NEW YORK (CNNfn) - You helped your son with his science projects. You coached his soccer team. You even paid for his college education.
But here it is, five years later and his dirty clothes still clutter the bathroom floor.
Like millions of parents with adult-age kids who won't leave the nest, you may be wondering: When do your responsibilities as parent and provider end?
If the latest statistics are any indication, no time soon.
"There are a lot of young adults out there who have just lost their way," said Dennis Means, a certified financial planner in Denver. "Some move home after a divorce, others just aren't making enough after college to afford a place of their own."
In today's high-cost environment, he notes, even those with good starting jobs find it difficult or impossible to pay the bills when their salary barely stacks up to their car loans, student debts, credit card bills and the cost of building up a work-appropriate wardrobe.
"The cost of living is so high these days that even though many kids have  good jobs, their pay may not be commensurate with what they have to pay out just to live, " Means said.
The survey says...
If your family is struggling with this issue, it may comfort you to know you're not alone.
Data from the U.S. Census Bureau reveal the number of adult children living with their parents has risen dramatically since the 1960s.
In 1998, for example, the latest year for which data are available, 59 percent of men age 18 to 25 in this country lived with their parents. That's up from 54 percent in 1970 and 52 percent in 1960.
 By contrast, 48 percent of women in the same age group lived at home. That, too, is up from 41 percent in 1970 and 35 percent in 1960.
The data include unmarried college students living in dormitories.
"Whatever the circumstances that bring home a child, it is a financial burden on parents who may have thought they were finally financially free and ready to focus on their own goals," the Financial Planning Association reports.
It should be noted, however, it's not just college-aged kids coming home to roost. The Census Bureau found that 15 percent of men age 25 to 34 still live with their parents. That's up from 10 percent in 1980, 9 percent in 1970 and 11 percent in 1960.
A smaller number of women in that age group -- 8 percent -- live at home; a number that is up just slightly from the 7 percent in 1960.
Stay on track
The FPA, along with most other planning pros, said parents who invite their children back into their homes should first and foremost make a commitment to stay on track with their own financial goals.
"I try to tell my clients that the best present they can give their kids is not having to worry about taking care of them later on," said Frank Presson, a certified financial planner in Tucson, Ariz. and head of Presson Financial Associates. "So many of my clients' kids move back in and invariably they come with credit card debt and the parents start bailing them out of debt. That really eats into their own assets and it's never the best solution for helping kids."
Forcing your kids to fend for themselves, when it comes to paying their bills at least, is a good first step.
"Usually these kids got in this situation through lousy management of his or her own affairs and unless someone sits down and gives them financial guidance it isn't going to change," Presson said. "I've seen some kids pull on their parent's heartstrings like you wouldn't believe. But you have to play the tough love role."
He notes, of course, you should determine how best to teach your kid a lesson on a case-by-case basis. Kids who are hardworking and just starting may just need a few extra months at home to get their finances squared away.
Presson further added you should make sure your child is actively looking for employment, if they haven't found work already. And set a time limit for their stay the minute they arrive.
"Give your kids a deadline that says by (what) day ... (they) have to move out  on your own," he said, noting many kids have to be given an incentive to leave or they'll blow their paychecks on parties and clothes.
If they don't have a job already, you should make sure they are actively searching. And last, but not least, at least consider charging them rent.
It may sound cold-hearted, but adult children can cost you $4,000 to $5,000 per year -- or more depending on how much you are willing to support them. Ask them to pay for their fair share of living expenses, including utilities, groceries and room and board. You might even consider writing a contract with firm numbers, if you think it's necessary.
If it seems too callous, keep that rent in an interest-bearing account for your kid to use for a down payment on a car or house when they leave.
"How much you charge them will differ depending on the child and their circumstances," Means said. "You should sit down with them and look at their cash flow."
Factor in any car loans or student loans they may have, along with their monthly salary.
"Some people would suggest you charge them 20 percent or even 30 percent, but you can still give your kids a break and teach them a lesson," Means said. "Mostly you just want to use the rent as an incentive to encourage them to think about moving out as soon as possible. Otherwise they might get too comfortable and that isn't going to teach them responsibility."
Are they insured?
Another important factor is insurance, both health and auto.
Ideally, you should begin exploring your options long before it's an issue, but if you haven't done so already, well...do so.
"This is an issue that really needs to be addressed earlier than this," said Patricia Borowski, a division vice president of the National Association of Professional Insurance Agents. "There are a lot of plans out there in every shape and size and most of them have an absolute age limit at which your dependents (are cut off)."
Often times, coverage begins to drop for your children when they reach 18. But every plan differs and the 18-rule often comes with provisions for full-time college students and slightly older dependents.
"These are things you have to start looking for because if you're child is living at home you'd be surprised how creative attorneys can be," Borowski said. "Even if your child gets into an accident driving his own car, registered under his name, they sometimes try to extend past the child who has no assets and go straight for the parents with that wonderful home."
Moreover, she said, kids who jump back on their parent's auto policy can often times drive up the family's rates.
Parents should also always inform the insurance company when a child moves back home, because car swapping is likely to take place and you want to ensure all members of your family are protected in all vehicles.
Lastly, she said, it's natural for cash-strapped kids to seek out a low-cost policy. Before they do that, they should understand the risk they are taking. They may get a discount rate, for both health and auto insurance, by joining your existing plan, or through a trade association or fraternity of which they are a member.
"If you are going uninsured, or went with the cheapest policy, that's fine," Borowski said. "It's their own decision, but they need to know the risks."
Tax ramifications
No matter how you slice it, having your kids back home again is going to put a pinch on your finances. In certain cases, however, you may be able to save a little, too. That includes write-offs for dependents and medical costs.
Here are the rules for tax deductions: Once your child turns 24, you are no longer allowed to claim him/her as a dependent.
If the child is under age 24 and is a full-time student, however, you can claim them regardless of their income. And single parents with single adult children who have lived at home for at least six months out of the year may also be able to save on their tax bill by filing as the head of household.
(Click here for the IRS definition of what you can and can not claim as a medical expense.)
Cindy Hockenberry, a tax practitioner and spokeswoman for the National Association of Tax Practitioners, said there are five basic criteria you must meet to claim a dependent deduction.
The first stipulates that the dependent must be related to you or a member of your household for the entire year. Second, he or she can't file a joint return with another taxpayer. Third, the dependent must be a U.S. citizen. Fourth, you must provide more than half of their financial support. And lastly, you must pass the gross income test, which requires the dependent to have earned less than $2,750 -- the 1999 limit -- for the year.
If the child or dependent is under age 19, the gross income test does not apply. If they hadn't turned age 24 as of last Dec. 31 and remain a full-time student, the gross income test doesn't apply either.
"Once they are over 24 and they make even $3,000 a year, you can't claim them anymore because you would have failed one of those five tests; the gross income test," Hockenberry said.
That means your 30-year old at-home daughter attending grad school doesn't make the cut.
The deduction criteria for unreimbursed medical expenses are the same, except they don't include the so-called "age test."
"If you can't claim your child as a dependent, then chances are good that you can't deduct their medical expenses," Hockenberry said. "But that's not always the case."
For example, you may not be able to deduct as a dependent your 30-year-old son who made $4,000 last year, but he's still a dependent because you provide more than half of his financial support. That means you may be able to take a deduction for his unreimbursed medical expenses on your taxes, assuming you qualify.
You can only itemize your child's medical costs on your Schedule A form if the combined medical expenses of you, your spouse and your child exceed 7.5 percent of your adjustable gross income, Hockenberry said.
You should include as an expense any premiums you pay for doctor visits, eyeglasses, prescriptions, and the cost of traveling to and from your doctor's office -- including mileage and airfare, if applicable.
The last word
As for Means, he advises all parents with adult kids at home to lay down the law and stick to their guns.
Don't forget that they may be your babies, but they are also adults, capable of looking after themselves.
"There's got to be chores around the house, they should help prepare meals, clean up after themselves and do their own laundry," he said. "Mom shouldn't be back to doing all those things for them like she did when they were growing up." 
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