NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - My husband and I are in our 40's, have three-year-old child and a limited amount to invest. How does one decide between saving for retirement and saving for a child's college education?

Kathleen Hagearty, New Haven, Conn.  

Ah, the anguish of trying to be a good parent on limited resources! One the one hand, you feel the obligation to save for your retirement because the last thing any of us parents want is to run out of savings and have to go to our children for help in our dotage. At the same time, you want your children to have all the opportunities they possibly can.

So you quite naturally feel compelled to set aside money for college expenses so your future academic all-star can pick and choose from the wide array of outstanding colleges and universities out there. (Matter of fact, isn't there a decent one in your home town? I'm a Penn grad myself, but I hear there's a little school called Yale in New Haven that some people say is pretty decent.)

So what do you do? Well, I don't want to sound heartless, but for a variety of reasons I think your first obligation is to yourself -- that is, you should focus on retirement first and education only if you have enough resources left over. Here's why:

If you're in your 40s, you still have enough time to accumulate a decent nest egg for retirement, but not so much time that you can afford to diffuse your savings effort or put off retirement savings while you stash away funds for college tuition. So my recommendation is that you should save all you can in your 401(k) and, if possible, other tax-advantaged savings accounts such as a traditional IRA or a Roth IRA. (To learn more about these and other retirement options, click here. You can monitor your progress by checking out our Retirement Planning calculator periodically.  

Of course, if you find you're ahead of the game as far as retirement is concerned, you can always begin putting some money away for college education. (For tips on choosing among 529s, Education Savings Accounts and other tax-advantaged college savings plans, click here.)

Taking this course could mean, however, that you never get around to putting aside money for junior's college education. But guess what? That doesn't mean you're a lousy parent.

For one thing, there are plenty of financial aid opportunities around for parents and students willing to look for them -- everything from scholarships to grants to government loans to private loans. So it's not as if the lack of a college fund automatically translates to no college. (Fail to save for retirement, on the other hand, and you could be sunk. After all, there are no financial aid officers willing to lend a hand to get you through your last 20 years of retirement.)

If grants, scholarships and loans aren't enough to pay tuition and expenses, I see nothing wrong with asking your little scholar to kick in to the effort by taking on a job. Finally, it just may be that financial realities will have to play a role in your child's choice of college. If the money's not there for the cushy private school your child wanted, a more affordable state school may be within reach. Hey, this is the real world; sometimes you've got to make compromises.

That said, however, if you save diligently for retirement and it turns out your child really, really, really does need financial help to make his or her college dreams a reality, you always have the option of pulling money out of a retirement account. But if you do end up dipping into your retirement stash for college expenses, I'd make it clear to your offspring that someday in the not-too-distant future, you may be looking for some help in return.