NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - Let's face it. They're greedy, materialistic and manipulative. And they won't stop until they get what they want.

Yes, we're talking about kids. Maybe your kids. Oh, sure, your little one's an angel -- until you walk past the toy store, the cereal aisle, or the sneaker department. Then the evil twin takes over. Whining, screaming, guilt-inducing cries that "all the other kids have them" -- the relentless campaign is enough to defeat a Marine battalion. Calm is restored, of course, the moment you cave.

Now you're a bit poorer. But at least your child's happy...until the next time. In this age of mass marketing and media product tie-ins, not to mention the ever-increasing cost of kiddie-conformity, helping your child keep up with the Jones Juniors can be bad for your finances.

But, more important, it can be bad for your child. Years from now, when your kids are trying to pay the bills on entry-level salaries, they're going to rely on lessons they learned from you. Did you teach them they can have whatever they want without thinking about the cost? That having things is a prerequisite to feeling good? Or did you teach them that decisions have consequences and getting "little" things every week may mean not being able to afford something expensive a month from now?

No one's saying you should never treat your kids to a little extra. Spoiling kids, let's admit, is half the fun of having them. But in your quest to do right by them, you'll know you've sped by good sense if some of the following ring true:

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Your child doesn't do windows. The pay's not good enough. Kids shouldn't equate household chores with capitalism. The same goes for school grades and soccer goals. It's OK to pay children to do something extraordinary, like cleaning out the garage, but paying your child to do something ordinary, like taking out the garbage, doesn't qualify, said Elizabeth Lewin, co-author of Family Finances. The child needs to feel like a productive member of the family and view chores as part of home life. Getting tipped for performing well is also counterproductive. The message to the child, said Lewin, is "I won't love you if you don't score."

"Allowance" is just a cute word for "guaranteed minimum." If you give your child an allowance, resist the urge to cover every expense once that money runs out. You don't have to be absolute about it, but you want your children to learn to make choices with what they've got. "Teach your kids to prioritize their values, to decide what will bring them the most joy and what they can afford," said Neale S. Godfrey, author of The Ultimate Kids' Money Book. Put another way, let your child live with the consequences of making a bad financial decisions, said Patricia Goldsmith, a psychotherapist who works in conjunction with financial planners. The best time to learn how to manage money is as a child, she said, when mistakes are small. (If you want to know how much the allowance your parents gave you would be worth today, try our Allowance Inflation Calculator.)

Your child's first words are "Kate Th-pade." One New York City mother of two, whose daughter is now a 7th grader in private school, says kids often know the difference between a knockoff designer accessory and the real thing. And they want the real thing. They may feel justified in asking for it, too, especially if they see you wearing Armani.

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But feel free to put your foot down, even if you can afford the designer jeans your 12-year-old's life wouldn't be complete without, Godfrey said. She recommends telling a child, "If you want this, you can save for it," and make clear that you used your money to pay for your clothes and you're entitled to what you can afford. The demon behind designer dressing, of course, is often the desire to fit in, which is hardly an insecurity exclusive to kids. In fact, you know you're in the same boat if the following applies to you.

Sam's friend has an elephant at his birthday party, so you scramble to arrange a safari for Sam's birthday. One-upping the Joneses' is a costly affair. And some parents do like to boast to others what they get their children. "It's a quick high," Goldsmith said. But it teaches your kids that their worth in the eyes of their peers is tied in part to what you can afford.

Your child is an expert in the drip method of financial planning. As in: "I want this and this and this. And let's do that and that and that." By repeatedly giving in to requests large and small -- from the school ski trip to the $3 finger puppet at the checkout counter -- you potentially set your kids up for long-term discontent. "There's nothing to look forward to. There's no respect for what they're getting. There's no incentive to save," Godfrey said. You contribute to this pattern, too, if you always bring home gifts from business trips or use money to vie for your child's affection to get back at a spouse or ex-spouse.

No matter your budget, the most compelling reason not to indulge your children in their every whim is simple: It teaches self-sufficiency. There's value in learning to do without, Goldsmith said. When you're quick to give in to your kids' desires, you deprive them of the sense of industriousness and pride in finding means other than you to accomplish something.

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Consider, too, what will happen if your economic situation changes for the worse. "You want your children to have inner resources, inner strength to go on," said financial psychologist Kathleen Gurney. The goal is to keep their identity and self-esteem separate from what money can buy.

One way to teach them limits is to have a family money summit every quarter and show your child how much you can afford to spend on them, Gurney said. Once you show them how much has to go to fixed expenses, you can discuss with them how to spend the rest, while showing them how much things cost. Beyond that, help them brainstorm about how they can work and save for what they want beyond your budget.

Another goal is to separate the idea of money from your time and affection. Whether you often yield to demands out of guilt for working too much or being divorced or simply because you want your child to have what you didn't, you're setting up a tough pattern for them to break. Overindulgence can give children a false sense of entitlement and doesn't teach them how to be happy.

At the end of the day, Gurney said, "What makes children happy is knowing their parents care enough to listen to what their needs really are."