NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - It's the last thing on the minds of most happy couples. But as those who have been there can attest, the topic of divorce is well worth consideration.

Broken marriages wreak emotional havoc, to be sure. But divorce also packs a devastating financial punch; court and legal fees alone can run $20,000 for each spouse, according to a study last year by MONEY magazine.

As it turns out, money woes are among the leading causes of divorce. But in many cases, your financial troubles get worse -- not better -- after you bid adieu to your ex. That's been particularly true for wives. Roughly 21 percent of divorced women live below the poverty line after a marriage ends, compared with 9 percent for men.

Those figures may be changing.

These days, many marriages are dual-income ones, where each spouse has his or her own retirement savings and investments. Individuals who marry late in life, or have been married before, may bring even more assets to the altar -- including their own homes.

As finances grow more complex, experts say it's more important than ever to take steps to protect your assets in the event that your marriage is severed.

Too frazzled to know where to start? Read on.

A marriage is more than just a union of lives; it's also a union of financial assets. It may be clear that you own the valuable oil painting in the living room, but what about savings in your joint account or the house?

Men look at divorce as a business deal and women look at it as a termination of an emotional relationship. It's a tremendous distinction. Christopher Hayes National Center for Women and Retirement Planning

You can protect your interests if you know in advance what you and your spouse own -- both independently and jointly. Make sure you've got records on such things as brokerage and bank accounts, insurance plans, a copy of the mortgage, retirement funds, the car registration, pensions from a spouse's job (or previous work) and the like.

You'll also want copies of tax returns. Some pros advise having receipts (if possible) and photographs of valuables, jewelry and antiques. Needless to say, if you don't keep good records, start now. (See "Organize your office" for tips.)

You may be a disciplined saver, but if your spouse has lousy spending habits, watch out. You're generally going to be responsible for debts that were incurred during your marriage -- even if you weren't the one paying with plastic. What's more, a spouse's bad habits may put a huge black mark on your own financial future, especially if he or she has run up bills on jointly held credit cards. If you find damage, relax. With work you can clean up your credit. For guidance, see "Cleaning up your credit."

It's best to avoid surprises by monitoring your credit report. Check with one of the three following credit agencies: Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian. You can get a report for free if you've been denied credit in the last 60 days or you live in certain states, including Vermont, Colorado, Georgia, New Jersey, Maryland and Massachusetts.

Having no credit can be just as challenging as bad credit, as many stay-at-home spouses have discovered post divorce. Often they're forced to rejoin the work force after years of being home; they have no credit history to speak of and they have limited earnings potential. It's vital for them to gain their financial footing as soon as possible.

If you find yourself in this position, start with building your own credit. If you don't have a credit card or savings account in your own name -- now's the time to get them. If you can't qualify for a credit card with a major lender, get a department store credit card, which often is easier to qualify for, said Martin M. Shenkman, an estate attorney and author of Divorce Rules for Men.

On the other hand, if you're the one who's been supporting the family balancing the books and holding the credit cards, help your spouse get on his or her feet, urged Shenkman. The sooner your former partner can support himself/herself and contribute to the kids' upbringing, the less you may end up paying in the long run.

"How is someone supposed to feel if she wakes up one morning and has no credit card, no credit history -- no idea how to pay a bill. That's not an exaggeration. It happens," Shenkman said. "If you put the screws on someone, it only increases anger and the legal system may make it more expensive for you."

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Divorce fees can run a few hundred dollars to hundreds of thousands of dollars, depending on the attorney you hire. We're not talking what your lawyer charges per hour. We're talking about the effectiveness of your counsel.

A lawyer that feeds your anger is sure to prolong the process. That will drive up costs. A lawyer who's effective will aim to get you a fair settlement as quickly as possible.

Use references to start searching for a lawyer and use lawyer directories, such as the online attorney directory at Martindale-Hubbel.

When you interview a prospective lawyer, make sure you know how long he or she has been in the field. Ask about the typical client. You don't want a lawyer who's used to handling divorces that have far fewer (or more) assets than yours. Ask to see a sample of a typical bill and ask questions about their fees.

If you're the family breadwinner, expect to pay some sort of alimony to support your former spouse. Such payments come in varying degrees of flexibility: Lump-sum payments can't be changed in the future; rehabilitative alimony, which is paid to support a spouse entering the job market, can be changed; and reserved alimony payments, given to a spouse for a certain period of time, may be renewed or adjusted down the road.

If you can't agree on what type of alimony is required, consider using a third party, such as an accountant, to review expenses and make a budget that's based on objective numbers, not emotions. Think about future costs, too, so big expenses are covered by both spouses. The cost to raise a child from infancy to age 17 runs just over $165,000 for middle-class families who typically earn $50,600 a year, and nearly $242,000 for wealthy families with annual incomes of $95,900 a year, according to a recent study by the U.S. Agriculture Department. If you've got custody of the kids, make sure you'll be able to cover the bills. Too often, parents who gain custody struggle to provide for their children.

"We've heard story after story of women taking on two or three jobs after they were divorced because they hadn't negotiated joint payment of their children's college education," said Christopher Hayes, director of the National Center for Women and Retirement Research.

Keep in mind that dividing assets can be tricky - and unfair. For example, a wife may opt for the home and give up access to her husband's pension or 401(k). But 60 percent of women who get the home end up having to sell because they often don't make enough to keep up with payments after the divorce is settled, said Hayes.

At the same time, earnings from a 401(k) are taxable, while profits from a home are tax-free up to $250,000 per person (and $500,000 per married couple.) That may or may not make the retirement fund a better deal. Before you decide what you're willing to give up, see a tax pro or financial adviser for guidance. See "How to hire a tax pro" or the Money 101: lesson on hiring a financial adviser.

If you live in Arkansas, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington or Wisconsin, you live in a so-called community property state where assets that have amassed during your marriage will be divided equally between you and your spouse. (Each state has its own rules regarding divorce.)

In other states, the husband or wife who earned less may qualify for more -- up to 60 percent. And in some cases, you may be able to keep what's yours if you both sign an agreement that identifies who owns what.

While you may want to get every penny possible from a divorce, remember that approaching the process in a fair, civil manner could cost you less in the long run, said Shenkman.

Fighting between estranged spouses delays divorce proceedings and drives up legal costs. Moreover, becoming embroiled in a nasty fight is bound to have ancillary effects on your earning power. If you're too busy battling your husband or wife, you may end up being less productive at work, and that could cost you your job, promotions, or other opportunities.

"An initial decision has to be made. Are you going to be fair and above board and reasonable -- or the opposite?" said Shenkman. "When anger takes over and common sense goes out the door, it hurts the kids, the spouse, and it destroys everyone financially."