PALO ALTO, Calif. (CNN/Money) - Their world seemingly imploding around them, the two top guys at Merrill Lynch decided Wednesday to communicate using the one delivery mechanism that would give them total control of their message: Paid newspaper advertisements.

This comes at a time when the market is digesting Worldcom's undoing, Adelphia's bankrupting, the SEC's scrutinizing of Qwest -- the list goes on.

Into this morass step David Komansky, chairman and CEO, and Stan O'Neil, president and chief operating officer, of Merrill Lynch, running a full-page photograph of themselves in several national newspapers.

(Patrick McGeehan of the New York Times reported the tasty tidbit that the two executives, who haven't appeared publicly together in weeks, actually were photographed on separate continents and their images joined for the ad.)

Text ads are kind of a funny instrument, however. They tend to convey as much in what they leave out as what they say. In a purely whimsical effort to understand what was really on the minds of Komansky and O'Neil -- and their PR teams -- here's my take, with their actual words in italics and my interpretation following:

• Lately, you've been hearing a lot about Merrill Lynch. Now you're going to hear from us.

We're sick and tired of giving "no comment" to all the questions about Merrill Lynch and its behavior, be it of its brokers, its bankers or its research analysts. (But we're going to leave out a few things, including a discussion of why we had to pay $100 million to the attorney general of the state of New York to quit bothering us.)

• There has never been a more critical time for straight talk and commitment from the financial services industry. Nor has there been a more critical time to exert leadership on Wall Street.

If we don't do something -- anything -- soon, we might just be the next high-level types to lose our jobs.

• Leaders respond constructively to criticism; we've heard the criticism and are responding beyond what was asked. In fact, we're raising the bar at every level of our firm on what were already among the highest ethical standards in the industry.

Of course, that's kind of like saying we had the least propensity of any of the foxes to raid the chicken coop. But we're going to be better now. Honest.

• We're setting new standards for investment research.

The old standards weren't particularly high.

• We're introducing a simplified rating system: buy, neutral, sell.

The old system was so confusing even we couldn't understand it.

• Merrill Lynch research brings knowledge and insight to our Wealth Management process -- a process that goes well beyond picking stocks. Stock pickers try to choose winners ... Wealth Management builds balanced portfolios.

Of course, one solid way to get our picks is to be a really famous socialite. Wait, come to think of it, there's a downside to that approach too. Never mind.

• In the end, managing your wealth is a very human endeavor -- one that involves a Merrill Lynch Financial Advisor and you, working face-to-face, eye-to-eye, to help you realize your financial goals.

Please keep your money at Merrill Lynch, or else we'll be out of work. Really.

Adam Lashinsky is a senior writer for Fortune magazine. Send e-mail to Adam at adam_lashinsky@timeinc.com.

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