He said, she said: Retirement ideas differ

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- It's not as amusing as couples' answers to the "making whoopee" questions on "The Newlywed Game." But Fidelity Investments' survey of spouses' attitudes toward retirement planning shows a big disconnect.

More than one-third of couples disagreed on their expected retirement ages and on their expected lifestyles in retirement. Forty-one percent gave different answers when asked whether one or both spouses in the marriage will work during retirement.

For those couples fortunate enough to have a pension coming to them, 70 percent of husbands and wives knew the age at which they could start drawing on their own pension, but only 37 percent of the women and 60 percent of the men knew when their spouses could draw on theirs.

Only 38 percent said they made retirement decisions together.

Most couples agreed the potential for a health crisis was a concern, but 23 percent said they have done nothing to prepare for that potential, while 35 percent couldn't agree about what they have done.

As for their final wishes, only 64 percent of couples over 55 agreed they had a will or estate plan in place, while just 46 percent of couples under 55 did.

Regarding life insurance, most everyone agreed on whether they had a policy and who the beneficiaries were. But two in five couples didn't agree on how much coverage they had.

Not agreeing with your spouse about retirement issues can make planning more difficult, but not nearly as difficult as not even knowing you disagree because you don't discuss it.

That's why it pays to check in with your spouse once a year to discuss your expectations about how you'd like to live in retirement, when you'd like to retire and the financial risks that can affect your plans, such as a health crisis, a very long life and inflation, said Steven Akin, president of Fidelity Personal Investments.

Then get a sense of what you've got and how much more you need to accommodate your desires and minimize your risks.

The more you both know of your assets, liabilities, and financial options, and the more willing you are to make financial decisions together, the less stress you're likely to face in retirement. The Fidelity survey found that the minority of couples who said they made retirement decisions jointly were better prepared for the unexpected and were more optimistic about what their lifestyle after work would be like.