What are you doing with it?
You probably already swap a fair amount of information about how you're spending, saving and investing your money in the course of daily conversation.
Amid inquiries about what's on TV tonight or why you bought paper towels when there were still five dozen rolls left, your spouse may drop vital dollops of information such as "We've got to fire the lawn service," which probably means that the bill is soaring out of control, or "Hey, I withdrew $5,000 from my money-market fund to buy 50 shares of Altergistics.com," which means he's been watching too much CNBC.
But such exchanges are not thorough enough to give either of you a clear picture of what's going on with your finances or to nail down goals and your progress toward them.
Do you know when she wants to retire and what kind of lifestyle she's hoping for? Does she know the same about you? Possibly not, to judge by a 2007 Fidelity survey. It asked 503 married couples when they would retire, and 30% got the answer completely wrong.
Since talking about money matters often makes couples tense, New York City psychologist Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of Financial Infidelity, suggests taking regular "walk and talks," which allow you to converse about difficult subjects while enjoying mild endorphin rushes from the exercise.
The promenade, which she says should last about 15 minutes, is an ideal time to indulge your financial fantasies - for example, what you'd each like to do if you won the lottery. Maybe you dream about spending a month in Brazil while your partner wants to collect Chinese ceramics.
You may conclude that you want to rev up your savings or cut expenses to accommodate such items. Conversely, you could decide that times are tough and that the fantasies will all have to wait until little Lulu and Tubby finish college.
Walk-and-talks can make it easier to air problems too, Weil says. Maybe you noticed your joint checking account was looking a bit anemic. "If you ask, they'll usually tell," says Weil. You might find out that your partner spent $3,000 on a case of Doyac 2005 Haut-Medoc instead of putting the money toward a new furnace.
Refrain from immediately jumping down your spouse's throat. "You may not agree about it, but it's important to know," says planner Woodhouse. Being married makes each of you legally responsible for the other's financial mistakes. If your spouse takes out a second mortgage on the house to underwrite a business, you're just as liable to repay the debt.
And if you're not the one filling out your 1040, better make sure you thoroughly review the return before you sign it because the IRS could hold you accountable for any unpaid taxes, even if you subsequently divorce. That's why it's important to reinforce informal talks about money with a more pointed sit-down in which you review each other's savings, checking and investment accounts in detail.
If such a get-together sounds like as much fun as attending a local zoning board meeting, you'll be cheered by the fact that most financial advisers say you have to do it only once or twice a year.
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