(FORTUNE Magazine) – Bribery drives me bonkers. I'm so outraged by the system that I'll gladly spend $100 to avoid paying a $20 bribe -- if I think I have a chance of winning. But if I'm trying to enter the Central African Republic from Cameroon and my choice is to give the man in the uniform $20 to get in or else stay in Cameroon for God knows how long, I'll pay the bribe. It's infuriating, but there's no better choice. Algeria is famous for the corruption of its border guards. The law there pretty much allows customs inspectors to confiscate your money unless you can prove you exchanged it at Algeria's artificially low official rate, which of course no one ever does. So the inspectors search people very thoroughly. You beat the system by leaving whiskey and a carton of Western cigarettes on the dashboard: Usually the guards will be satisfied stealing just that much. If you're going to bribe people, do it right: -- Never admit it's a bribe. Say you understand that you're presenting the official with unusual difficulties. Offer to pay an extra fee. -- Don't be afraid to haggle. I nearly always wound up paying less than was initially demanded. -- Never insult one of these uniformed extortionists. In Peru I nearly got arrested for calling a guard an idiot. It was fun but ultimately not worth the trouble. -- Ask for a receipt. On occasion it scares these people into taking their hands out of your pockets. If you're still mad when you get home, the receipt will help you demand a refund from their consulate. Here's a sad story of how bribery works in practice: In China, Tabitha drove into an old man who'd blundered out into the street. He wasn't badly hurt, but he was briefly unconscious. Under local law Tabitha was automatically the guilty party -- even though this accident wasn't her fault. A policeman approached me later and said, ''Well, you know, we've really got to do something for this man and his family.'' Relieved that he wasn't arresting us, I said, ''Okay. How much?'' ''Two hundred dollars.'' Dollars! On the black market out there in the wilds of China, $200 is two years' pay. I handed it over, of course, and asked the cop to convey our concern to the injured man's family. I'm still concerned about him. But I'd bet my net worth against yours that the poor old guy and his family never saw a penny. That policeman is probably still living high on the hog. I've still got the receipt he gave me. It's in Chinese. For all I know, it says, Stick it in your ear.