(FORTUNE Magazine) – DEAR ANNIE: I just started a new job, and as part of the compensation package I got some stock options. I recently discovered that my immediate superior fought hard to get me these options, and I would like to thank him without sounding forced or insincere. Any suggestions? GRATEFUL

DEAR GRATEFUL: Interesting that you should ask. More and more of my mail these days raises questions about etiquette (or "Netiquette": See the next letter in this column). It's apparently part of a broad trend toward civility. Shockingly, even Rudy Giuliani--the mayor of New York City, who is himself not known for sweetness and light--has gotten into the act, launching a war on rudeness that may end up costing the local economy the $40 million the Grammy Awards annually bring into town. (For people west of the Hudson who may be blessedly unfamiliar with this saga, suffice it to say that after a Grammy honcho allegedly screamed nasty words at a mayoral aide, Rudy suggested that in the future the music business can take its awards extravaganza elsewhere, prompting one wag to dub the awards the "Scrammys.")

But I digress. In a clear sign that good manners are making a comeback, etiquette expert Marjabelle Young Stewart, author of The New Etiquette: Real Manners for Real People in Real Situations (St. Martin's Press, $17.95 paperback), says she now has a two-year waiting list for her lectures. "Young people in college know they lack social graces, and people in their 30s and 40s have been working so hard for so long that they've forgotten the niceties, yet they know the niceties matter," Stewart says. "So there is a healthy interest in all this. Style can't replace substance, but it does reflect it."

If you really want to thank your boss properly, do not, whatever you do, send him an E-mail. Instead, Stewart suggests that you go to a good stationer and order some correspondence cards. Stewart has received these cards from luminaries ranging from President Clinton to RuPaul; she displays them at her lectures, to show people what a truly classy thank-you (or congratulations or condolence) note looks like. "It's never too late to give yourself a good upbringing," she says. What you want is three-ply stock, either white or ecru, 6 3/8-by-4 1/4 inches, with your name printed in black across the top and a two-line address on the back flaps of the envelopes. (If your town doesn't have a stationery store that can order correspondence cards for you, call Dempsey & Carroll at 800-444-4019. They've been printing these things for Washington dignitaries since 1878.) Then, using a good pen--Stewart recommends "a nice Mont Blanc, not a ballpoint"--write your boss a brief, simple thank-you note. Just tell him what you told me: You know he went to bat for you, and you appreciate it.

Says Stewart: "Never, ever hesitate to be kind. And don't worry about seeming 'forced or insincere.' It is a great compliment to the recipient of a note like this that you took the time, and they will remember it--and you." Besides being a nice gesture, Stewart adds, this can't hurt your career: "CEOs especially love to get notes on correspondence cards. I've heard several of them say that they hired or promoted someone because of it."

DEAR ANNIE: I'm currently conducting a job search using the World Wide Web, and being something of a neophyte at this, I'm nervous about making a bad impression or getting flamed. Can you give me some tips on Netiquette? FLAMMABLE

DEAR FLAMMABLE: Sure. You might want to take a look at a brand-new book called How to Get Your Dream Job Using the Web (Coriolus Group, $29.99). It includes a useful section on Netiquette. Says co-author Shannon Karl: "Where lots of job seekers get into trouble is in chat rooms and newsgroups. Nobody is going to flame you just for being new. But you have to treat these virtual gatherings as if they were live ones--that is, as if you were walking into a roomful of people. Don't barge in on someone else's 'thread,' which is computerspeak for 'conversation,' unless you really have something valuable to add. Don't monopolize the discussion. In newsgroups look up what topics have already been covered so that you're not repeating things. And remember, you're just there to meet people, not to blatantly advertise anything, including yourself."

Karl recommends that you refrain from using "emoticons," those little facial-expression symbols like "smilies"--"lots of people find them very annoying and unprofessional"--and when applying for jobs via E-mail, use an E-mail address that is simply your name, as opposed to something cutesy (such as a friend of mine's home E-mail address, which starts with the nickname "Mudface"; this has a long and hilarious story behind it, but prospective employers are unlikely to be amused). Do not write anything in all capital letters, which is the onscreen equivalent of yelling. Another warning: "Never say anything negative about a former employer. It is guaranteed to get back to them, and you will be sorry."

Even in informal newsgroups, try to avoid using slang, abbreviations, or acronyms, which are confusing to people from other countries. "If you say you live in Mass. and belong to the NRA, somebody from, say, Sweden will have no idea what you're talking about," Karl notes. Certain electronic shorthand expressions--like BTW for "by the way"--are, however, internationally known and hence okay.

Karl advises you not to rely exclusively on virtual contacts in your job hunt. "The Web is a great way to meet people and start relationships, but it can't take the place of face-to-face meetings," she says. "In fact, one of the best uses of the Web is to find out about in-person conferences, seminars, and so on." Go to these, and wow 'em with your in-person charm.