(FORTUNE Magazine) – The Justice Department scored a resounding victory earlier this month when U.S. District Court Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered that Microsoft be split into two companies. Still, questions remain: Why did U.S. prosecutors pursue Microsoft with such vigor? Were they simply outraged by the company's business practices? Or were they motivated by deeper resentment? We have no idea.

That has not, however, kept us from speculating. Forthwith, one possible explanation for the ongoing animus between Bill Gates and Janet Reno, presented in the format of a play, which first appeared at www.McSweeneys.net. (Readers are encouraged to reenact this in their offices, apportioning the roles among their co-workers.)

The Love That Stopped Time A play, consisting of pure conjecture, in one act

THE SETTING: A boardwalk in a sleepy New Jersey beach community, sometime in the 1950s. Or possibly the 1940s. Or the 1960s. It's hard to tell. A station wagon pulls up to the beach. FATHER steps out of the car.

FATHER: Everybody up! We're here!

MOTHER: (sleepily) Wha'? We're here already?

JUNIOR: Oh, boy, we're here! I'm gonna go build a sandcastle! (JUNIOR runs off toward the water.)

MOTHER: Junior! Wait for your mother! (FATHER opens the back door of the station wagon, leans in, and shakes a 17-year-old JANET RENO awake.)

FATHER: Janet? Janet? Wake up. We're finally here.

JANET RENO: (whining) Daaaa-aaad! I was sleeping! And I don't want to go to the stupid old beach anyway.

FATHER: Oh, come now, Janet. I know you wanted to go to cheerleading camp. But this is our last chance to spend a summer together before you go off to school. Now, come on, punkin, cheer up! (JANET RENO gets out of the car, begins sulking toward the beach with her FATHER, when she hears a wolf whistle behind her. She stands still as her FATHER continues walking toward the water.)

JANET RENO: (turning around) Hey! Who did that? (A young, tanned BILL GATES appears, carrying a surfboard.)

BILL GATES: Sorry, miss. I just had to get your attention. My name's Bill. What's yours?

JANET RENO: (blushing) It's Janet. Janet Reno.

BILL GATES: Janet Reno. That's a pretty name. Almost as pretty as your eyes. (JANET RENO turns redder.)

BILL GATES: Can I buy you a malt?

JANET RENO: (calling toward the shore) Daddy? I'm going off with Bill for a malt, okay? CUE SOUNDTRACK: "The Look of Love," by Dusty Springfield MONTAGE: (The two sharing a malt, laughing; they walk along the water as BILL GATES tosses stones into it; they ride a Ferris wheel, sharing cotton candy; at a carnival booth, BILL GATES knocks over an array of milk bottles and wins an enormous stuffed animal, which he presents to JANET RENO; a seagull grabs JANET RENO's hat, and the two chase it until they collapse, laughing; the two kiss and roll around in the frothing surf. As the music fades out, we see them walking along the boardwalk at night.)

JANET RENO: Thank you, Bill. I had a wonderful day.

BILL GATES: You look beautiful in the moonlight, Janet. (They kiss. But just as they do, we hear a crowd of men yelling. They appear, all carrying surfboards.)

CROWD: Hey, Bill! Who's your girlfriend? Aren't ya gonna introduce us?

BILL GATES: Um, Nathan! Paul! Hey, guys!

JANET RENO: Bill? Who are these people?

NATHAN MYRHVOLD: So, Bill, who's this?

BILL GATES: Um, she's just a girl I met.

JANET RENO: Just a girl you met? Why, of all the nerve!

NATHAN MYRHVOLD: C'mon, Bill. We're gonna go catch some waves.

BILL GATES: (to JANET RENO) Um, listen, Janet--I gotta go. See ya around sometime.

(BILL GATES leaves with the rest of his CROWD. JANET RENO stands alone on the boardwalk, clutching the oversized stuffed animal he won for her earlier in the day.)

JANET RENO: I hate you, Bill Gates! I hate you with all my heart! Someday I'll hurt you the way you've hurt me! I'll pay you back for this if it's the last thing I ever do!

THE END