(FORTUNE Magazine) – Jack Welch's and Robert Rubin's books will have to do some serious business to recoup advances of $7.1 million and $3.3 million, respectively. The standard rags-to-riches bio won't cut it. Here are some ideas we think could be instant bestsellers.

--Modern Humorist Jack Welch:

Bridget Jones' Balance Sheet

She made 30,000[pounds] last year and generated v.g. shareholder value, but must she spend so much capital on cigarettes and alcohol units?

Dr. Welch's Oh, the Places You'll Go Overseas!

I've laid off my workers from here to Decatur, And hired them cheap in Brazil and Malaysia. Loyal to Memphis and Allentown? Please! Oh! The profits you'll make when you go overseas!

The Greatest Generator

What folks today don't appreciate is that back in World War II, they knew how to make a really good steam turbine.

Robert Rubin:

Angela's Crashes

The touching memoir of a boy whose mother invested everything in the Asian markets, and the American hero who bailed them out.

Tuesdays With Alan

A middle-aged man, a slightly older man, and a few lessons about setting interest rates. (Hint: "Low, but not too low.")

The NAFTA Cookbook

What's that giant sucking sound? It's just your guests enjoying the fabulous salsa verde and traditional achiote recado made from this collection of internationally traded recipes.

MODERN HUMORIST is a daily humor Website. For more, check out www.modernhumorist.com.