(FORTUNE Magazine) – JULY

1 Purchase fly-fishing gear at Orvis; gains from ImClone sale ($227,824) now exhausted

2 Tar and feather press agent

3 8:36 A.M. CBS The Early Show appearance*

4 Claim ignorance (new)

5 Maintain facade of happiness amid inner turmoil (not new)

6 Organize cosmetics for summer Harvest peas

7 Order Pizza Hut Insider; watch Russell Crowe in The Insider

9 Bake a cake with a file inside

10 Bake a cake with a bigger file inside Deliver cakes to Sam Waksal just in case

11 Eliminate all foliage blocking the river

12 Remove Waksals and Peter Bacanovic from apple butter distribution list

13 Cuisinart hard drive, mince Sam's letters, and bake concoction at 350[degrees]; serve to daughter Alexis, hot

14 Quit yoga Begin cafeteria tray self-defense

15 Watch The Shawshank Redemption Buy Rita Hayworth poster

19 Boat ride at sunset Walk on beach Scan personal ads for further ideas

20 Embroider initials on orange jumpsuit

21 Burn all striped clothing in mesquite charcoal; scatter ashes in vegetable garden

23 Reassess goals: Save K-mart Save own ass

25 Monitor congressional committee investigation; re-air TV show episode featuring Rep. Billy Tauzin

26 Remember the good things in life, like lawyers and marmalade and friends in high places

29 Buy handcuffs and shackles for themed 61st-birthday party

30 Give away all worldly possessions

31 On second thought...

*Subject to last-minute postponement due to being in jail.

REPORTER ASSOCIATE Kelly Peck