(FORTUNE Magazine) – Dear Annie: I was fired from my job as a finance and accounting manager for having dated someone on my team, who then--after the relationship ended--accused me of harassment. Until this episode I was one of the most respected people in the organization and always strove to treat everyone fairly. While I don't deny having had a relationship with this subordinate, I did (and do) categorically deny there was any harassment. However, I do understand that I compromised my authority by getting romantically involved with a person who reported to me. My question to you is, How do I answer questions from job interviewers about why I left my last position? So far I've been straightforward and honest about what happened, but I'm afraid this debacle is ruining my chances of getting hired. --No Casanova

Dear N.C.: Oy. How "straightforward and honest" are you with interviewers, exactly? That is, are you going on and on about this, struggling to defend yourself and deny wrongdoing, and thereby digging yourself into an ever deeper hole? "You do have to say something about it, because references very well might," says Fred Whelan, a partner in the San Francisco recruiting firm Whelan Stone (www.whelanstone.com). "But interviewers do not need or want all the gory details. As long as your former colleague's accusation didn't reach the lawsuit stage, frankly, something like this is of no great concern--especially if you can turn it into a positive by describing briefly what you learned from it." Whelan suggests that if (and only if) you are asked why you left your last job, you say something like "I was dating someone at the company, and after a messy breakup, it seemed best for one of us to go elsewhere. I certainly learned a valuable lesson about the dangers of mixing my work with my personal life." Then stop talking. Please.

The same goes, incidentally, for anyone who leaves a job under a big black cloud of any kind. Notes Whelan: "Often people get fired after a fight with their boss, and then they go into interviews with recruiters or employers and give a blow-by-blow account of the whole brouhaha, complete with a detailed defense of why they were right and the other person was wrong. Believe me, we don't want to hear it. Dwelling on problems in the past really just raises a red flag: 'Hmmm, here is someone who has trouble putting mistakes or difficulties behind him and moving on.'" Not good. As for whether this mess is in fact wrecking your chances of getting a new job, Whelan says that while employers are pickier in this job market and can afford to hold out for a candidate with a pristine past, they also look at a whole range of things about you, not just this one blemish. "People make mistakes, and interviewers know that," he observes. "Focus on what you can do for this company, not on what went wrong at the last one." You might also try asking why you were not hired, in case the reason is something you couldn't possibly guess. Says Whelan: "It never hurts to call and say, 'I'm trying to learn something from every interview. Can you tell me what I might have done better?'" The answer might just surprise you.

Now, a word about office romances in general: Janet Lever, a sociologist at California State University at Los Angeles (e-mail: drjlever@yahoo.com), has done exhaustive studies on workplace dating and notes that between 50% and 60% of us admit to having canoodled with a colleague at some point. The research also shows that only about 8% of office flings end badly and turn nasty, as yours did. Okay, but everybody listen up. "One thing I've noticed is that most people just do not get the difference between an office romance and an amorous relationship outside the office. The rules are not the same," says Lever. One example: Outside work it's generally assumed that two people get involved with each other voluntarily (unless one is stalking the other, but that's another issue). In the workplace no such assumption exists, which is why some companies encourage co-workers entering into a liaison to sign a "love contract," specifying that the dalliance is consensual on both sides and that the company is not liable for any heartbreak--or career damage--that may eventually result. (How romantic.) Another example, perhaps more to the point in your case: "In the real world, if someone breaks up with you, you can keep calling them, begging for another chance, promising to change, and so on. This happens all the time. In fact, it's almost expected," Lever says. "In the workplace, however, that kind of unwelcome persistence fits the legal definition of sexual harassment, and then you've got big trouble." Enough said?

Dear Annie: I'll be leaving my job in a few months to start graduate school. How much notice is it appropriate to give? Once my boss hears why I'm quitting, he'll know I could have given him much more than the usual two weeks. --Eve

Dear Eve: The answer to that depends almost entirely on how long it will take your employer to either replace you or enlist colleagues to fill the gap left by your departure. If you have a very highly specialized job, with years of accumulated know-how, you'd be wise (and kind) to give at least six to eight weeks' notice, so your company can get ready to do without you--but if not, then not.

A request: Will the person who sent me an e-mail on Aug. 14 with the subject line "MBA Career Conundrum" (the return e-mail address was something-or-other@mit.edu) please resend it? I had just opened it and begun to read when the Big Blackout hit, and poof! Gone. Thanks!

Send questions to askannie@fortunemail.com. Annie offers advice weekly at www.askannie.com.