(FORTUNE Magazine) – INTERNATIONAL CORPORATE SHENANIGANS In the last month or so we've seen sketchy accounting from Switzerland's Adecco, a shady last-minute deal by Canada's Conrad Black to sell his interest in Hollinger International, and all manner of malfeasance from Italy's Parmalat. Wow, it really is heartening to see the rest of the world adopt American-style capitalism.

STATE OF THE UNION The President devoted 99 words of his annual speech to decrying the evils of steroids. Come on, man! Do you want us to be able to lick Osama or not?

AT&T WIRELESS Potential suitors have expressed interest in the troubled division for years. But it took till now for the calls to get through.

JOAN KROC The widow of the McDonald's founder generously willed $1.5 billion to the Salvation Army. The charity immediately announced plans to start a Salvation Air Force.

HOWARD DEAN Online wags are fomenting songs that sample his bizarre Iowa rant. You've learned your lesson, Doc: Live by the Internet, die by the Internet.

KODAK The company announced it will reduce its workforce by more than 20% as it makes the switch from film to digital photography. Say "government cheese!"

TYCO The embattled firm reportedly hired a private investigator for one of its favorite analysts, who wanted to vet his fiancee before marrying her. We're guessing she's putting a "strong hold" on that guy's "assets" right about now.

BENNIFER Finally! The celebrity love affair--forged on the set of Gigli--has come to an ignominious end. According to the tabloids, J. Lo thought Ben spent too much time gambling in casinos. And not enough time getting into nightclub shootouts.

JOHN C. MALONE The Liberty Media chief's company became the largest outside equity shareholder in News Corp. but denies that the move was a hostile transaction. When he tries to take possession of Rupert Murdoch's firstborn--that will be hostile.

NEW JERSEY NETS A developer just bought the basketball team for $300 million and wants to move it to Brooklyn. That would be great for the borough's residents. Now they too can know the thrill of watching their team get stomped in the NBA Finals.