(FORTUNE Small Business) – Let's not pretend that knowing how many tines are in a fish fork (three) and how many are in a luncheon fork (four) is really important. Let's not declare your business lunch a failure if you drag your spoon through the leek soup toward you (wrong!) rather than push it away from you (correct). But, please. The Survivor-style lunches have to go. I don't care if you enjoy hunching over a lettuce-strewn conference table with clients or wedging four-inch-thick sandwiches into your mouth. Clean up your act! A flawlessly executed lunch has become a killer app. Here's how to ditch crude dining:

WHY LUNCH?: If you answered that you want a customer's business, you fail. That's obvious. Right answer: to get to know each other better. Also, determine your secondary purpose: to negotiate the terms of a contract, close a sale, or celebrate the completion of joint business. Now you can decide whether a bistro, a private club, or a fancy restaurant best suits your purpose.

PREPARE: If you think of a restaurant as a mere backdrop to your dazzling personality, you're clueless. March over before your lunch and ask to meet the person in charge. Explain your needs: Your client is on a special diet, wants to be seen, or doesn't. "The restaurateur's goal is to make sure the customer achieves his goal. But all of these things he cannot know unless you tell him," says Alex von Bidder, managing partner of the Four Seasons restaurant in New York City. During your scouting trip you may be able to pick a table, review the menu, order champagne to be waiting, and arrange for your credit card to be charged without having a check brought to the table. Enlighten your guest if there's a dress code. And if you're entertaining foreign customers, research and respect your guests' customs.

TAKE THE LEAD: During your lunch, muzzle your cell phone and your beeper. Do not park yourself like a slug at the table, waiting for your guests. Greet them near the door, perform introductions, and get ready to be the stage manager of this meal. You decide the seating arrangement, establish rapport with the waiter, and orchestrate the meal's pace. This does not mean pretending to be a big shot. Your guests are the stars. Invite them to order first. If they ask for a cocktail, follow their example. But hold the line at one drink or a glass of wine.

MIND YOUR MANNERS: Crudeness may be delightfully contemporary in your circle, but true boardroom bigwigs have not succumbed. "The CEOs in our restaurant have perfect table manners," says von Bidder. Here's what many people don't understand about manners: They weren't invented to be flouted. They arose to prevent giving offense. And guess what? Eating with your head almost in your plate is spectacularly gross. You don't need to torture yourself over silverware choices. But don't set up a small bread-buttering factory on your client's bread plate or guzzle down all her water. Your own personal bread plate will be on the left, your water glass on the right. And remember to restrain yourself from drinking or eating until all your guests have been served.

TALK: Oh, yeah. That's why you're here, isn't it? For most business owners, having a customer's undivided attention is an irresistible opportunity to sell, sell, sell. But after you've gone to all this trouble to create a relaxed, nonbusiness environment, why not shelve the sales pitch, at least for a while? Have a conversation. See your client as an entire multidimensional human rather than a fat source of revenue. That's too much of a stretch? You've been away from the civilized business lunch far too long.