(FORTUNE Small Business) – Want my single best piece of advice for throwing an office holiday party? Don't do it. My editors don't know I'm sneaking the Grinch into this column, but the curmudgeonly approach bears serious consideration. Why should a group of people who work well--or poorly--together be forced to act like close friends and family members? Grafting personal customs and rituals onto work can't help but result in trite, stunted concepts, such as mandatory secret-Santa gifts or the politically correct, painfully meaningless Kwanza-Hanukkah-Christmas-Ramadan celebration. Liberate yourself from holiday tyranny by figuring out how to achieve your goal in three easy steps without using green-and-red motifs, tinny Christmas carols, and December party dates.

NAVEL GAZE. I don't blame you for allocating all of about two minutes of brain time to the party problem. But this year ask yourself what you're trying to accomplish. Showing your appreciation to employees? Bonding with clients? Channeling charitable impulses? Or just looking for a chance to wear a costume and talk to small captives on your knee?

If the point is to fete employees, why not treat them to an afternoon at a big indoor recreation complex, a cocktail party in your home, or a simple thank-you note with a bonus check? Acknowledging customers may call for more of an extravaganza--but maybe not a fancy blowout like your competitors throw. Host a picnic and hike or organize an indoor tennis tournament.

Because of the Sept. 11 tragedy, more Americans than ever are likely to feel that partying is out of place. If expressing charity or solidarity is the goal, donate the party fund or, better yet, your employees' time in a soup kitchen or fundraising effort.

TAKE A POLL. You're small enough to design a meaningful celebration by asking employees what they want. Ask a handful of people who represent different interests (single and married, with kids and without, managers and staffers) to sketch out a couple of ideas. Keep a lid on endless debate by dictating the event's purpose and budget and by giving your task force a short deadline. If all your employees can fit into one room, get together to brainstorm.

Once you have an idea, double-check it. Is it an inventive reflection of your company's culture and mission? Whatever you do, be sensitive to how your party message plays against current company matters. In a former job, Robin Carey, co-owner of Custom Publishing in Maplewood, N.J., attended a corporate holiday party just after colleagues had been laid off. Very jolly.

PLAN THE MINUTIAE. The boring truth about these events is that the details matter. The invitations. The food. The decorations. The sound system. The list is endless. Did you hire your chief administrative officer for his party-planning skills? Pay a professional to take care of this. If you can't justify the expense, get a couple of hours of consultation and a master checklist for the poor slob who gets stuck organizing it.

Be involved in the decisions that will forever color the event in guests' minds. I know of a company party at which the fiftysomething founder chugged a beer in front of employees. Ouch. Worse, his lame stab at carefree youthfulness had been planned. Double ouch. Don't be a coward, but be smart. Offer alcoholic and nonalcoholic drinks, arrange safe transportation home for guests, and don't play favorites in toasts or speeches.

Indeed, speeches at festive corporate events are tiresome to all but the speaker. So dedicate the event to its purpose and shut up. And lose the Santa hat.