(FORTUNE Small Business) – If you are at all like me--and I can find that out simply by reviewing your online profile at Friendster, LinkedIn, Tribe, or some other social-networking startup--you're probably beginning to regret that you ever signed up for any of those fashionable friend-finding websites. Such services can help you find like-minded people with whom you can share secrets, air dilemmas, and criticize everyone else.

The problem is that friends, like Land Rovers, can look great but require hard work to maintain. Soon they expect you to call regularly--and heaven forbid you should forget their birthday! That's only one of the numbing rituals they like to share: They get married, they buy vacation homes, they have bad accidents. What makes friends even worse than spouses is that you can't divorce them. They linger, ever interested in over-romanticizing the fact that you pretended to understand their passion for Coldplay. What could it possibly take, you find yourself wondering, to get them to pack up their Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and get lost?

I know, and I'm ready to help you with my proposed startup: you've-had-a-friend.com. Log on and hook up with others who are also in need of friend disposal. Trade lists--don't act all chummy about it--and they'll set about firing your new friends while you fire theirs. It's all so sanitary, an efficiency achieved through outsourcing, that hotter-than-July business strategy that also accounts for why you get someone in Bangalore when you call downtown for a pizza. I'm ready to start up. All I need is funding. I can't turn to friends and family; I had 'em all wiped out during a beta test. That's why I'm coming to you. Remember, we're sure to have first-remover advantage. So be a pal, won't you?