(MONEY Magazine) – Film director Brian de Palma took one look at an octagon-shaped Hollywood house on stilts and knew it would be the ideal location for his 1984 murder mystery, Body Double. His agents offered the property's owner, attorney John Phillips, $5,000 plus expenses at a hotel for the four days of filming. Phillips said no, expecting a better offer. ''I knew it was a house you couldn't duplicate,'' he recently explained, ''and I had the feeling they'd keep coming back.'' They did. After weeks of haggling, Phillips finally agreed to $30,000 plus a few hundred dollars for his parents, who he insisted stay in the house to make sure the moviemakers didn't do any damage. The folks got to watch a movie being made, Phillips got an unexpected vacation at a Mendocino hotel, and de Palma got his dream house. Welcome to negotiation, 1980s-style. Forget the macho ''I win, you lose'' approach. Think Gary Cooper, not John Wayne; seesaw, not tug-of-war. Nowadays, successful bargaining is so-called win-win negotiation, in which both sides win -- or at least no one loses. Win-win means being flexible and not acting like an adversary. ''By getting a full understanding of what the other side wants, you stand a better chance of walking away satisfied,'' explains James Henry of the Center for Public Resources, an organization that aids firms in finding negotiated alternatives to costly litigation. What is negotiable? You name it: the amount of a raise, the terms of a job transfer, a divorce settlement, a broker's commission, the price of a car or a house. The art of negotiation, or dispute resolution as it is often called by specialists in this rapidly growing field, is being elevated to serious stature. ''People have finally recognized it as a skill that needs to be honed,'' says William Ury, director of the Harvard Nuclear Negotiation Project, which is developing negotiating techniques that could reduce the risk of war. Harvard is among 80 accredited law schools now incorporating negotiation into their curriculums. If you are embroiled in a dispute over big bucks, you can hire a trained negotiator to represent you; fees tend to range from $50 to $200 a session. You can usually find a negotiator through your local bar association. Most often, though, you will have to negotiate for yourself. You will find that you like the outcome better -- and sometimes your opponent will like it too -- if you learn the methods of the pros. Here are eight of their recommendations: Learn as much as you can about the other party. Try to find out something about his background, including similar transactions he may have been involved in. Talk to others who have negotiated with him to get a sense of his style and tactics. Figure out his needs. Where might he be flexible? What does he have at stake? Convince the other side that your needs can be their needs as well. That's how Rick Feldman, station manager of KCOP-TV in Los Angeles, persuaded the organizers of the city's first marathon to grant him exclusive broadcast rights last year. The organizers had been leaning toward awarding the rights to a competing station, even though that station would have been unable to give the race continuous coverage. The competing station would, however, have syndicated the marathon to other stations across the country. Says Feldman: ''I convinced them that local exposure was more important for the first year of an event like this.'' He got the marathon, it was a ratings success, and KCOP is televising it again this year. Don't parley without a strong purpose. ''See the negotiation as a way of getting something you want, not as a game to see what you can get,'' says Los Angeles attorney George Kieffer, author of a forthcoming book on how to be effective in meetings. Adds Gary Schultze, professor of negotiation at Brooklyn Law School: ''You may start out asking for a lot, but know what things are most important. That way you'll be satisfied even if you don't get the whole ball of wax.'' Be sure you are going to the right person at the right time. When asking a superior for a raise, for example, check first that he has the authority to grant it. Win-win sometimes means not asking for too much at once. When she was an account executive at Doyle Dane Bernbach in 1984, Susan Horowitz got the ad agency to move her from New York City to its Los Angeles office after her husband had been transferred to L.A. But Doyle Dane insisted she spend one week a month in New York, and while it agreed to pay air fare, hotel expenses were her problem. ''I didn't think I should ask for more at that time,'' says Horowitz. ''But 12 months later, after a productive year, I thought it might be time to renegotiate.'' This time the agency also agreed to pay expenses in New York. Have the facts to make your case. If asking for a raise, know in advance how much others in similar jobs are making. Before shopping for a car, find out the price dealers pay for a model. (One source: Consumer Union's Auto Price Service, 313-851-9944; $11 for information on one car, $20 for two.) You should be able to negotiate a deal on most makes for $200 to $500 above cost. Be alert to body language. Posture, facial expressions, eye contact -- or its avoidance -- all may convey information. By giving you an affectionate pat or suddenly calling you by your first name, a negotiator may be hinting his position is not as inflexible as his words suggest. One of the most effective ways to use nonverbal language is to show that you are listening attentively. Says Roger Fisher, co-author of Getting to Yes (Penguin, $5.95): ''Active listening not only improves what you hear but gives the other person the satisfaction of feeling he's being understood. It may be the cheapest concession you can make.'' Know how much time you have. Is the other party under pressure to settle? ''If I know your deadline and you don't know mine, or if you are a literalist about time and I'm more flexible, then I have the advantage,'' says Herb Cohen, author of You Can Negotiate Anything (Bantam, $4.50). ''As we near what you think is the deadline, your stress level goes up and you may make concessions.'' Sit down to negotiate in a location that gives neither side an edge. Try meeting in a third party's office or perhaps a restaurant. ''It makes for an atmosphere where everyone is more in the mood for cooperation,'' says former baseball commissioner Bowie Kuhn. If no neutral site is available, try to get the other side to come to you. That way you have more control over time, you will be more at ease, and you can have more resources at hand. There are some classic bargaining situations where other rules may also apply. Example: buying a house. ''A home buyer who doesn't negotiate is costing himself money,'' says John Aaroe, a Los Angeles real estate broker. As a rule, you should offer at least 10% to 15% below the initial asking price. Usually the seller expects it. The less financing you need, the more likely you are to get a mortgage and get it quickly, and that advances your chances of bringing down an eager seller's price. ''Cash is always king,'' says Aaroe. In negotiating stockbrokerage commissions, your best tactic is to emphasize that you expect to be an active client. ''The broker is asking himself, 'What is this person worth to me?' '' points out Ram Kolluri, a Princeton, N.J. financial planner. Generally, if you have $50,000 in your account and make, say, 10 transactions a year, you can expect discounts of up to 25%. With a building contractor you can haggle not only for a lower price but also for the right to approve the subcontractors he hires. You can negotiate a date for completing the job and a penalty fee the contractor would have to pay you for each day he goes over his deadline. Be warned, though: in a win-win finale, your contractor may succeed in negotiating a bonus for finishing early.