(MONEY Magazine) – With the hiring of college grads down by 40% since 1988, many parents have stood by helplessly as their grown children became or remained jobless. But career consultant Nella Barkley, author of the new book How to Help Your Child Land the Right Job (Workman Publishing, $9.95), says there are several steps parents should take to assist -- and some they shouldn't. Highlights from her interview with MONEY writer Bill Sheeline: Q. What is the most important step a parent can take when helping a child in his or her job search? A. Treat your child with the respect of an equal. Become a coach. Boost your child's self-esteem before the first interview by helping sort out what he or she really wants in life. Sit down for some casual conversations about your child's goals and interests. You may think of your recent college graduate as that teenager who just sat around in his room listening to Metallica, but he wasn't totally idle all those years. An analysis of his summer jobs and school activities will reveal those skills that can be transferred into work for pay. Q. You call ''surveying'' a critical part of the process. What is it exactly? A. Surveying is what all sharp business people do before launching a new product or service, except they call it market research. If your daughter is interested in, say, solar energy, she should talk to anyone who works in the field or knows someone who does. Help her organize the survey by offering advice about where to go for research and how to network. Q. Should you steer a child toward your friends or business associates? A. That can be helpful, but let him or her make the telephone calls. Otherwise, you will diminish your child in the eyes of the potential employer. Q. What can you do after your child gets some job offers? A. Have your child rank the potential employers with a point system based on the criteria that are most significant to him or her. Assign points based on factors like location, the employer's size, salary, benefits and advancement opportunities. The grid will be a big help in choosing the most suitable offer.