(MONEY Magazine) – Next Oprah: Men who waste money and the women who love them After writing the 1986 bestseller Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them, I decided to explore one of the biggest areas of conflict between men and women: money. I quickly concluded that, just as there are men (and women too, of course) who are irresponsible about drinking or drugs or parental duties, there is a distinct and destructive minority of men who are financially dissolute. My co-author and I call them "money-reckless men." Simply put, they've got a substance abuse problem, and the substance is money. Like most abusers, they can destroy relationships and families. Here's how to know whether you're caught up with a money-reckless man -- and what to do if you are.

Many women find themselves overwhelmed by financial conflicts in their relationships with men. But for women, few money problems trigger the deep feelings of guilt, resentment, powerlessness -- and wreak such severe financial damage -- as those caused by money-reckless men. These men carelessly run through their money (not to mention their partner's), leave a trail of debts and unfulfilled financial obligations in their wake and, even when faced with the consequences of their destructive behavior, resolutely refuse to accept personal responsibility for the financial and emotional damage they cause. Who are these financial wastrels? Well, unfortunately, money-reckless men are hard to identify on first meeting. They don't exactly wear signs. Some make quite a bit of money -- at least once in a while. Others, by inflating their past achievements or claiming to be on the verge of a stunning success, generate a grandiose facade, an aura of excitement and drama that can really get a woman's adrenaline flowing. But before long their true character emerges and the money fights begin. What ensues almost inevitably is an erosion of your emotional well-being plus serious financial problems -- for the money- reckless man and you. Ironically, money-reckless men are often assisted in their wanton ways by the people they hurt most: the women who love them. When someone repeatedly endures and abets the destructive behavior of another person by covering up or denying the situation, that person is called an enabler. So if you constantly clean up your partner's economic messes, you may be a financial enabler. To see whether you unknowingly encourage your partner to continue in his money-reckless patterns, take this 11-question quiz. If you answer yes to two or more questions, you may be unwittingly helping your partner engage in destructive behavior that is draining you emotionally and financially. Do you. . . -- Regularly pay off your partner's debts or bounced checks? -- Turn your earnings over to him despite his history of profligate spending? -- Transfer property or assets to his name to prove how much you trust him? -- Lie to family and friends about how he's doing financially or how much you spend on him? -- Stifle the anger caused by his irresponsible antics? -- Borrow from family or friends to cover his financial problems? -- Go along with his moneymaking schemes even though you know they won't work out? -- Avoid confronting him for fear of angering, humiliating or losing him? -- Feel financially used by him? -- Believe you will secure his love by rescuing him? -- Seem financially worse off now than before you met him? While you can't force your partner to change his behavior, there are a number of effective strategies you can use to help resolve money conflicts. The most important step is to set firm limits on your partner's behavior. Pleading, haranguing or arguing with one of these men will only wear you out. Instead, calmly and explicitly tell him that you will no longer pay his bills. You also should reduce or eliminate his access to your assets or to money that the two of you hold in common. If possible, withdraw cash from your joint accounts and put it into an account in your name only. If your partner has credit or charge cards for which you are liable, cancel them. If you are married, you may be stuck with some of this debt because of community property laws in states such as California and Louisiana, but you can still put brakes on his spending. Ultimately, the best way to deal with a money-reckless man boils down to a single word: no. If you learn to use this word wisely, you will be on the way to rebuilding your emotional resources and reclaiming both your self and net worth.