(MONEY Magazine) – It was no surprise to the folks in rural Piedmont, Okla. that Mark Matli, a soft-spoken 43-year-old veterinarian, responded immediately to a 9 p.m. distress call about a bobcat hit by a truck a mile away. And it wasn't at all unusual that the whole family--wife Marilyn, also 43, and kids Jennifer, 18, Marcus, 15, and Trevar, 11--shut off the TV to tag along on that frigid night last January. That's just the way the Matlis did things.

Hard by the dark, two-lane road, the five were huddled over the injured animal until Jennifer, wearing pajamas and a robe, ran back to the family's black minivan to warm up. That's when she saw the glow of headlights. A blue pickup truck, veering off the road at 40 miles an hour, was aimed straight at her family. It never slowed down.

Motionless, Jennifer watched as her parents and brothers tried to get out of the way. But the Mitsubishi truck, with a drunken 17-year-old at the wheel, was moving too fast. Mark Matli slid off the hood and landed a few yards away. The truck dragged the other three out of sight into a deserted field.

Hearing all the noise, a neighbor across the road called for an ambulance, which arrived 14 minutes later. Marilyn, Marcus and Trevar died at the scene. Mark was rushed to the hospital, where he died four hours later. The young male driver and his teenage buddy walked away with minor injuries.

Though Jennifer escaped the fate of her family and the 16,500 other Americans who are killed annually in alcohol-related auto accidents, she now faces other torments. Since that night, the five-foot-five, 120-pound high school senior with prom-picture good looks has had to struggle to make sense of a muddled reality. Surely, no parents ever imagine such emotional and financial burdens falling on their kids--disasters always happen to someone else. But it's worth considering how your children would fare in circumstances like these. For now, says Jennifer, "I'm going day by day."

At her family's funeral in the Piedmont High gym, where most of the town's 3,200 residents turned out to mourn with her, she sat stoically, squeezing her best friend Sarah Howard's hand. Three days after the service, Jennifer was back at school, wearing both of her parents' wedding bands on the ring finger of her right hand. "People say I'm strong all the time," says the straight-A student whose grades never faltered. "But I'm just trying to live my own normal life."

From the moment Jennifer crossed from daughter to orphan, her friends and relatives have rallied around her. In Piedmont, a suburb bordering Oklahoma City, word of the accident spread quickly, crackling over police and CB radios. With the Matlis' bank accounts temporarily frozen, people from four states who'd seen the news on TV raised $15,000 to help pay funeral costs and immediate bills. When Jennifer insisted on remaining in the family's 17-room home, her father's 33-year-old brother Monte, an anesthesiologist, and his wife Kelly, 33, uprooted themselves to move in and run the household. A week after the funeral, the couple left their New Haven, Conn. home along with sons Madison, 2, and Jantzen, 4-even though that meant bailing out of Monte's last five months in residency at Yale-New Haven Hospital. Says Monte: "Mark would've done the same for us."

Despite the support, Jennifer faces adult-size challenges on her own. As she prepares to enter the University of Oklahoma this month with a $3,500 academic scholarship, she must consider the $1.5 million estate she will eventually control as well as her immediate wealth--$60,000 from the proceeds of two $30,000 life insurance policies and $920,000 from a State Farm underinsured motorist's policy. Proceeds of the policies, which were carried by her parents, are mostly payable to Jennifer.

Mark Matli's simple 1982 will (Marilyn's was identical to her husband's) calls upon his co-executors, brother Micah, 35, and sister Andrea Matli Scoville, 40, to manage a trust that holds all assets until Jennifer reaches the age of 25. So far, though, the executors have made little progress in settling the estate, which includes a sole-practitioner veterinary clinic that grosses $358,000 a year; the 3,400-square-foot, $187,000 family home; a stock and bond portfolio worth about $231,500, and life insurance proceeds totaling $530,000 (besides the $980,000 from other policies that will mostly go to Jennifer). Admits Micah: "We're still very much in limbo."

The pair have let basic duties slide, partly because of other traumas. Micah Matli's two daughters, ages 1 and 3, were in a day-care center across the street from the Oklahoma City federal building blast last April, fortunately suffering only cuts and bruises. Scoville's 10-year-old son is undergoing chemo therapy and radiation treatments for brain cancer. With all that going on, the Matli assets haven't yet been appraised for an October tax filing, even though the estate could owe as much as $440,000. And the executors have done little to learn when State Farm will pay the $920,000 claim. (In cases like these, State Farm requests a civil court judgment to confirm who has legal claim, and the executors haven't pushed for one.)

Other more emotional decisions loom: whether to sell the family home now that Jennifer will be attending college 65 miles away, and what to do with Mark's vet clinic, temporarily being run by Dr. Robert Purvis, an old friend of Mark's.

Jennifer has been handling some of the day-to-day details herself--a leap for a teenager who's never had an allowance, let alone a checking account. Permitted to write checks against $530,000 in estate funds held in two money-market accounts, she pays bills such as the monthly $865 note on the remaining $86,000 mortgage (fixed rate at 7A%), $500 for pool maintenance and $150 to $200 for gas, clothing and food charged to a Visa account transferred to her name. "I always knew my life would change with college," says Jennifer. "But I already feel like I'm 40 years old."

Understandably, Jennifer is trying to move on with her life while still locked in the past. For instance, she doesn't want to sell the house. She's adamant about keeping the vet clinic going, thinking perhaps she'd like to become a vet herself and eventually take over the practice. And, mindful of her feelings, Monte and Kelly have left the Matli house unchanged. An exercise bike, once pedaled by homemaker Marilyn, sits idle in a living room corner. Nearby, an oak cabinet holds Mark's meticulously arranged volumes of organ music. Marcus' basketball trophies still gleam from behind a glass case. Most touching, though, are the family photographs. They remain throughout the house, a chronicle of the growing family.

Keeping this gallery of memories intact has been emotionally trying for Monte and Kelly. While trying to stay close--they attended all of Jennifer's school functions--the couple downplay their presence. On Mother's Day, their family quietly exchanged gifts only after Jennifer had left the house with her boyfriend, 19-year-old Matt Wright.

"For months, we didn't have much of our own stuff around," says Kelly. "And what do we call the room where we sleep? Is it our bedroom or theirs?" She sighs. "Nothing seems quite right."

Monte, upon completing his residency last spring at the University of Oklahoma, received five job offers within the state--the best of them well beyond commuting range. But Jennifer wants them to stay in the house while she's at school. Monte insists that he'll take the best offer, yet his gaunt face shows that he's torn. Sums up Kelly: "It's just that we're anxious for our own start."

All the while, Jennifer copes--perhaps too well. She mentions her biweekly trips to a local psychologist offhandedly, as if she's been to the dentist. She cheerfully describes her summer plan to work three days a week ($7 an hour) at her father's vet clinic. Four months after the accident, during Senior Week, she trolls the halls of Piedmont High, eagerly signing yearbooks with a six-petaled flower--her "little symbol." She moans along with classmates over the spring dress code (no tank tops) and secretly scratches her initials and those of Matt's on the wooden table in Miss Hoyt's English class. She seems like any other teen.

That's not unusual during the first six months of grieving, explains Elinor Lottinville, an Oklahoma City psychologist trained in disaster counseling who helped many of the federal building blast victims last spring. "Our coping mechanisms come to the rescue," says Lottinville. "People tend to go through the motions of taking care of things and other people." Teenagers especially cope best around friends rather than family.

Most of Jennifer's confidences are saved for Matt, a lanky baseball star who's headed for nearby Redlands Community College. He's shadowed Jennifer since the accident. School days, he holds her around the waist as they walk to classes; nighttime finds them in a tight knot on the living room sofa. His constant presence disturbs the Matlis, but they can't deny the comfort he provides--like escorting Jennifer to the church where she taught Sunday school with her mom.

The family also worries about Jennifer's spending habits. "We don't want her getting used to some lavish lifestyle," says Micah. Along with the rest of the relatives, he was caught off guard last March when Jennifer's paternal grandparents helped her shop for the car of her dreams: a cobalt-blue 1993 Nissan 300ZX. Jennifer paid $24,000 cash for the used car, using proceeds from her parents' life insurance policies. "I know some people are jealous of the car and think I'll buy things I don't need," says Jennifer angrily. "But I'll take my family back any day. They can have the stinking car!"

Clearly, Jennifer's greatest comfort comes from things money can't buy--like sharing a yin/yang pendant with Matt, and the fact that while her father was lying by the roadside before he died, Jennifer was able to say good-bye. Most of all, she's comforted by the memory of the falling stars. On her way to the hospital, after her mother and brothers had perished, Jennifer saw three stars dart through the sky. "We never see those here," she says. "I took it as a sign from God." When she left the hospital, she saw a fourth. "That one was for my dad, because he died last." She pauses, lost for a moment. "That's when I knew for sure. They were letting me know they're okay."

On May 26, at the same Piedmont High gym where her family's funeral took place, Jennifer joined the class of '95 as the graduates took their places amid 65 folding chairs. Holding her terse, typewritten valedictory speech, she rose to the podium before an audience of 500 fanning away the 85U heat. Speaking beneath the school Wildcats scoreboard, with dozens of cameras trained on her, she began: "I'd like to thank those people who have enabled me to stand before you this evening. Most importantly, I wish to thank my parents, and brothers Marcus and Trevar." In closing, Jennifer borrowed from Ralph Waldo Emerson: "What lies behind us and what lies before us is nothing compared to what lies within us."

Her voice never wavered.

THE ADVICE

MANAGED PROPERLY, JENNIFER'S TOTAL $2.5 million inheritance means she will have adequate income, even if she chooses never to work. Two Tulsa financial planners, James Brock, with American Express Financial Advisors, and Harvie Roe, president of Fourth Investment Advisors, outline the right moves for Jennifer and her trustees:

Make sure you get expert advice. The estate assets above $600,000 are subject to an average federal estate tax rate of 41%, with Oklahoma estate taxes consuming about 7% more. Total estimated tax tab, including Mark and Marilyn's income tax return: approximately $450,000. "The decisions of the next few months could change the net worth of the estate considerably," stresses Brock.

To start, Andrea and Micah should consult an experienced estate attorney (typical fees: $150 an hour). An estate pro can minimize taxes by placing all allowable deductions (such as medical bills and costs associated with selling assets like the family cars) on the estate return--rather than on the lower-bracket income tax return. The family has until Oct. 4--that is, nine months after the deaths--to meet an IRS filing deadline before facing possible penalties of 5% a month on taxes owed plus 9% interest, compounded daily.

Because of their own troubles, Andrea and Micah should look into hiring experts, such as a trustee at a large bank, to manage the trust assets, including the roughly $231,500 investment portfolio (typical annual fee: about 0.7% of the trust's managed assets).

Cut a deal to keep the vet clinic running. To honor Jennifer's wishes, the trustees could offer Dr. Purvis an incentive to stay. Brock's suggestion: Keep paying the veterinarian the $175-a-day fee Micah says he's earning, with the agreement that after eight years (the time it would take Jennifer to join him in the practice), Purvis would have partial ownership. If Jennifer chooses not to become a vet, she could sell him the remaining shares, plus the land (currently valued at about $350,000). As for the house, both planners agree that the trustees shouldn't sell it against Jennifer's wishes since the estate can afford the upkeep.

Consider short-term goals for now. Because the executors must pay the estate's bills, Roe recommends keeping the $530,000 estate account liquid in Strong Money Market ($1,000 minimum initial investment; current yield: 6.3%; 800-368-3863) and Edward D. Jones Daily Passport Cash Trust ($1,000 minimum initial investment; 5%; 800-441-2357).

Jennifer also needs financial guidance for the $920,000 State Farm award. Part of the proceeds--perhaps 15%--may be subject to federal and state estate taxes because it is compensation for "pain and suffering." That and the untaxed remainder--awarded for "loss of companionship"--could net Jennifer about $857,900. While Jennifer is in school, Roe suggests putting the money into a 10-year irrevocable trust, which would generate income for Jennifer's needs while pre-empting any rash spending.

Jennifer's trust could be managed by the corporate trustee chosen for the estate (fees for managing both trusts would total about $13,000 a year). Given her likely 28% tax bracket next year, she'll need about $18,000 for an after-tax annual budget of about $12,000.

To get there, Roe recommends buying a $250,000 mix of safe one- to seven-year Treasury notes (current yield on such a portfolio: 5.7% to 6.3%).

The rest should be diversified among solid growth and value stocks such as Wal-Mart (ticker symbol: wmt; trading at $26.50 a share on Aug. 1) and J.P. Morgan (jpm; $73.25), plus international and small-company mutual funds like International Equity, managed by Schroder Capital (no load; up 15.6% on average over the past three years; 800-344-8332), and Mutual Discovery (no load; up 17.7% the past year; 800-553-3014). Jennifer should also direct her trust to set aside roughly $25,000 in cash in a bank money-market account or in a money-market fund, such as Vanguard Money Market Reserves/Prime ($3,000 minimum initial investment; 5.8% yield; 800-851-4999). That money should be available for college and emergencies.

Buy liability insurance. Although Jennifer won't have control of the estate assets until she's 25, her net worth requires immediate legal protection. Roe suggests a $2 million umbrella liability policy from Jennifer's current home and auto insurer, Oklahoma Farm Bureau Mutual Insurance (about $225 a year; limited to state residents; 405-523-2300).

Prepare for the future. Given her assets, Jennifer needs a will and a durable power of attorney in case she becomes incapacitated. Both documents can be drawn up by the estate attorney (typical fee: $850). To be ready for decisions she'll face at 25, suggests Brock, Jennifer ought to enroll in accounting and finance courses while at college.

Several weeks later, the Matlis were still in a financial torpor. They were looking into hiring an estate attorney but had made no decisions. Before leaving on a long-planned European vacation, Jennifer relinquished her bill-paying duties to Micah and put together a freshman-year budget. She was glad Monte had accepted an Oklahoma City job so he and Kelly could remain in her house through the fall. As for life ahead, says Jennifer: "College opens up a new world for me. I can't wait."