NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - Consumers are confident, so let's light this candle! I'm actually kind of amazed the market is holding up as well as it has, given that the shirt covering corporate America's rotten underbelly keeps sliding up, revealing...ugh!

Sure, durable goods orders are up, consumer confidence too, and thank the lordie the market was able to focus on that because otherwise I really don't think it's too pretty out there! On Tuesday stocks spiked at the open, sank later, and then rallied at the close. The Dow climbed 71 to 10,353 and the Naz was up 11 to 1,824. Why not? Hey, watch me, Joey Bishop (He did what besides Rat Pack?), I mean Andy Serwer on CNN, Headline News, and CNNfn. READ Loose Change for a meaty question about Tyson! Here's wazzup:

ANDERSEN: Kudos to CNN and (sweet!) Lou Dobbs for getting the exclusive interview with Andersen CEO Joe Berardino announcing his resignation. (Of course there is also the announcement that the SEC has charged Waste Management with massive fraud. Andersen was named in that one too.) As for Berardino, well that's not a huge surprise. As in, he sorta had to go, right? Will Andersen survive? You know I have said no. As Dandy Don Meredith would say, "Turn out the lights, the party's over." Yes, it's true jobs will be lost. Innocent people will be hurt. In Amerika, this happens. Kind of like vintage Linda Ronstadt. I think. I mean it's sooooo easy to fall in love.

STOCKYARD: How can the SEC keep up? Enron. Andersen. Global. Qwest. Waste. Never mind ImClone. There's more rot, day after day after day. It really is shocking and disturbing. North Korea, here I come. All these fat cats CHEATING! They need jail bad, right Cliff Leaf?...

Speaking of bad news meatballs: Why is AOL at $23 and change? Let's see. Malone is coming. Advance could be getting subscribers. The write-off is for $54 billion. The stock buybacks are over. Holly Becker went nasty again. (And Greg Clarkin bashin' it on Moneyline too!) I'm sorry, what was the question again? AOL=zapfdingbat! Or, "so easy to use, no wonder it's #1."...

WorldCom: going to zero? Looks like it. WCOM down 40 cents to $6.11 (It got downgraded by UBS). Same with WebMD. Whole world is going to hell. Here's the bottom line: STOP. LOOKING. AT. TECH! You must go home with a different dance partner! Do I make myself clear? Peter Cohan speaks well to this. As long as the techs are the most active, we won't be out of this mess. Here's a good one. Look at the most active stocks: WCOM, CSCO, SUNW, ORCL, BRCD (Brocade for cat's sake!). LU and AOL over at the NYSE.

Then look at the big gainers for the day: Even on Nazzie: Liqui Box, Dura Auto, Curon Medical. On the NYSE: Pennzoil, Hovnanian, Champion, MDC Holdings. See a disconnect there? Active trades: techs! Biggest gainers: NO TECHS... No coincidence! Speaking of Rat Pack: I love Dino and Sammy Davis doing "Sam's Song."

ON QWEST: This e-mail comes from a reader in response to a piece written by my pal Adam Lashinsky: "I read your aforementioned article and wanted to comment and agree with the downfall of Qwest, which I believe to be inevitable. Being a resident of Denver, I know all too well what it's like to work with Qwest. I would like to see some analysts on Wall Street come out to Denver and try to get phone service or correct a mistake in their bill or, better yet, get DSL in certain parts of the city. They would be a lot quicker to downgrade Q, I'll tell you that much. The real reason I wrote is because the other day I was driving down Speer Blvd. in Denver and there were people on the street corner with signs that read 'What's the difference between Qwest and Enron?' You guessed it...6 months."

LOOSE CHANGE

Dear Stanley Bing: I'm sorry I couldn't make it to your fete ce soir (you're too together to use French like that...just for dumb Mr. StreetLife.) Just wanted to tell you that you are the man! Been writing great stuff at Fortune in livres for a while now. Congrats, you the man. (Get a load of his latest verse in the next issue of Fortune, it is truly great.) Bing! Congrats (Oops almost forgot to say it) for your new book: "Throwing the Elephant."...

From Deep Blue: "So when you strip out fees/expenses what are you making on your money market these days -- yup, it's that bad."... Is it true that Tyson has said about itself, "the largest producer of protein on the planet"?... Hoop: Lonny Baxter was MVP of the West region last year--and MVP of the East region this year? Has that ever been done before?... Did you know, from Jason: "This is the first time since 1996 (and just the second time since 1987) that both Duke and UNC were not in the Final Four:

2001 - Duke

2000 - UNC

1999 - Duke

1998 - UNC

1997 - UNC

1996 - neither

1995 - UNC

1994 - Duke

1993 - UNC

1992 - Duke

1991 - Duke, UNC

1990 - Duke

1989 - Duke

1988 - Duke

1987 - neither

1986 - Duke"