NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - Four years ago, I married a hard-working woman who is the mother of three children -- two teens and one young adult. We own our home, have no credit debt and make a reasonable living, but much of our spare money seems to be spent on the kids for everything from auto insurance and clothes to salon visits and entertainment. I like saving for rainy days, but this family seems to like to spend. Do you think I'm out of line to be concerned about this or will it all work itself out in due time?

-- Glen Van Olden, Fair Lawn, New Jersey

Gee, I don't know whether I'm playing the role of financial adviser here or marriage counselor. I suppose it's a bit of both. But this much I do know: it sounds as if your wife and her kids have different ideas than you do when it comes to saving and spending.

And in my experience these kinds of differences rarely work themselves out on their own. If anything, they tend to fester, causing resentments on both sides. In short, what you've described is a recipe for neither domestic tranquility nor financial health.

At the risk of sounding like Dear Abby, I think you and your wife need to have a heart-to-heart about your finances. I wouldn't start the conversation by accusing your wife and kids of being profligate spenders -- that sort of approach isn't likely to be very productive, even if it reflects what's really going on.

Rather, I'd begin by suggesting now is a good time for you and your wife to review your finances. After all, considering the turmoil we've seen in the economy and the market over the past year, it makes sense to see what kind of shape you're in and to lay out a plan for your future financial security.

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As part of that review and your longer term planning, it's only natural that the topic of how much household income is being spent and how much saved would come up.

For example, you might go to our Retirement Planning calculator to see whether your current investments plus the amount you're saving in both taxable and tax-deferred retirement savings accounts is putting you on the path for the kind of retirement you and your wife envision.

Another way to go is to look at how the money is being spent in your household and see whether your spending habits make sense given your income. That's not to say there's a one-size-fits-all budget we all should be following. But there are some guidelines that can tell you whether your spending is getting way outside the normal range. For a look at a story we did recently on how to evaluate your spending, click here.

After you and your wife have had a chance to look at some figures, you can then decide what spending changes, if any, you need to make. (For 10 suggestions on how to curb your spouse's spending, click here.

If it turns out that you've got to ratchet up your savings in order to assure a secure retirement, you and your wife can then talk about ways of cutting back. If the kids really are as big a drain on household income as you say they are, then that should become obvious in this review.

Of course, the prospect of completely shutting down their spending isn't realistic. The answer might be having them pick up some of their own expenses, particularly for non-necessities like their 28th pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes.

Or perhaps you and your wife might agree that you'll pay for the kids' expenses until they reach a certain age, and then they're responsible for themselves.

One final note: be prepared to compromise. It may very well turn out that your wife just isn't nearly as interested in saving as you are. Maybe she's more of a free spirit who would rather get her jollies now and worry about the future later. Maybe she feels that, one way or another, things will just work out.

Ultimately, you'll have to come up with a plan that accommodates both your views, no matter how divergent they may be. Because the reality is that as long as you two are married, your finances are inextricably intertwined. Better to find a way for your financial views to mesh than simply to let them clash.

Walter Updegrave is a senior editor at MONEY Magazine and is the author of "Investing for the Financially Challenged." He can be seen regularly Monday mornings at 8:40 am on CNNfn.