Set aside your blind rage at the ineffectual salesclerk and delayed delivery man and learn to gripe constructively. Your request will be more appetizing, says Winch, if you build a "complaint sandwich."
The first slice of bread is the "ear opener"; words that keep your target from feeling attacked. We're wired to get defensive when someone complains, but studies have found that starting with a positive point makes the listener more receptive to criticism.
Next get to the meat; the specific problem you're having and the solution you're hoping for. Top off the sandwich with a grateful statement that shows you're a reasonable person who's deserving of help; and likely to stay a loyal customer if satisfied.
Your delivery counts too. When you're speaking to someone on the phone or in person, limit fillers such as "I mean" and "You know?" John Sparks of the University of Dayton, citing studies of courtroom transcripts, points out that listeners associate phrases like that with a lack of credibility.
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