Ask Bing: Dealing with special office 'friends'

There is a co-worker here causing consternation in the office because of her "friend" relationship with the senior manager, our boss. What are the other co-workers' rights?

You have the right to not witness any inappropriate squeezing, slurping or goo-goo eyeballing. You have the right to be able to pretend you don't know what's going on. And you have the right to wait around a little until the whole thing blows up and destroys them both.

I recently joined a private equity firm. When I joined it was a bit slow but when the project actually took off I delivered them software that went all the way from scratch to production in 4 months. Competing software projects in other companies take over 2 years to build.

Yet at bonus time I got screwed, getting less than half of what I rightfully deserve. Throughout last year my boss never told me what his expectations were, but when I confronted him for giving me less bonus he said "expectations were not met." I have since quit the company. Was that the right thing to do??

Yes. Nobody should work for cheapskates who hoard the bonus pool for themselves. Go find a place where they sing Kumbaya around the campfire in February. And when you're a boss -- remember how you feel right now.

This is my situation. I opened the global marketplace for my company without any marketing spending or budget of any kind. I was looking for a piece of the pie in the building of that market or management of it, after sales in that market had eclipsed that of the U.S. market.

Well that won't be the case, for I am being pushed aside. By the way, I now make $25,000 per month from this, but I feel I am being forced out. The money is nice, but I want to feel wanted and see some growth within for all the hard work. I want to be happy, but I am no longer happy. I still have pressure to sign deals, and if I don't I will be gone.

You have an interesting problem. Most of the time, people write about wanting more money and don't necessarily talk about the frustration and sadness that comes with being passed over. Yet that, in fact, is one of the worst crises a career can sustain.

The first thing you should know: it's not your fault. Or rather, it's probably not your fault. You may be a great organizer and worker and not management material, but I doubt it. You sound like a good operator, and your bosses sound like a bunch of ungrateful politicians. They may view you as solely that -- an operator, and they clearly value that ability in you because they are pressuring you to keep doing what you do so well: sign up new business.

So keep doing that. You need to continue performing well to have any hope of negotiating from strength. But while you do so, inquire seriously and politely about your future in the organization. See what they say. If they are vague or negative about kicking you up a few notches in management, then make no secret of your disappointment. Don't be pouty or whiny. Just be difficult.

Realize this: management is made up of difficult people. The lower ranks are made up of difficult people who must HIDE the fact that they are difficult. The bigger butthead you are in the daily run of things (within reason and general guidelines for dealing with bosses contained elsewhere in this blog), the more that senior types will recognize you as one of their own.

Keep producing. Keep the pressure on. If nothing's shaking within a year? Dust off that resume and get out on the street. If you're as good as I think you are (and as YOU think you are), they'll be sorry when you're gone.