NEW YORK (CNNfn) - Donnette Schwisow was only 47 when her husband died. And like most women who are newly widowed, an equally powerful force rivaled her grief: fear. Particularly fear about money, and how she would provide for herself in the long years ahead.
Not that Schwisow was a complete novice in dealing with finances. Her husband, an oil and gas attorney, suffered from chronic heart problems, and she knew he wouldn't live forever. So she took it upon herself to learn about their assets and joined him in making some of their investment decisions.
But after the funeral, even that preparation seemed cold comfort.
"Once Mack was dead, I was just really panicked about making these decisions for myself. And I was way too conservative in my investing for the first two or three years," Schwisow said.
That's a common problem among new widows, experts say, and it's particularly acute for women who have little experience managing money.
Part of that fear comes from not knowing just how much money they actually have.
Organize, then strategize
One of the best things to do after your husband dies is to organize your financial documents and inventory all your assets and liabilities.
"Try to get a handle on where everything is," certified financial planner Judith Heltzel said.
Some of the best sources for that information include:
- Past tax returns
- The benefits administrator at your husband's job, who can explain the details of his pension, 401(k) and life insurance plans
- Your husband's accountant or lawyer
You should also contact the Social Security Administration to apply for your survivor benefits. Call 800-772-1213, and stay on the line to talk to a representative, who can set up an appointment for you at your local SSA office. In some cases, you may be able to do everything over the phone.
Keep in mind: If you and your husband were already collecting Social Security benefits before he died, you will receive only the greater of the two benefits.
Next, Heltzel said, calculate:
- Your regular income, including Social Security survivor benefits and pension payments -- if he chose a "joint and survivor's benefit," you will receive a pension benefit equal to half of what he would have gotten
- Your expenses for several months. The Women's Institute for a Secure Retirement (WISER) estimates that, on average, they will be 80 percent of what they were before your husband died
Once you've pieced together your financial picture, work with a certified financial planner or other investment adviser to figure out if "the assets as structured meet the spending gap," Heltzel said.
If they don't, then you need to educate yourself about your investing options and reposition those assets so they provide you with the retirement money you need.
Accept help, but not blindly
That education should come from several sources.
"Leaving all the decisions to a professional is the No. 1 no-no," Schwisow said. "Nobody cares about your health or your wealth as you do."
But that doesn't mean you need to go it alone. In addition to working with your estate lawyer, who will help handle your husband's will, get references from your friends and associates about good certified financial planners, and interview a few. Choose one with whom you feel comfortable.
"If you feel you're being talked down to, then change," Schwisow said.
WISER Executive Director Cindy Hounsell recommends paying an advisor on a fee-only basis initially, to ensure the advice you're being given is objective since the planner is not trying to sell you investment products for which he receives a commission.
In addition, experts suggest you:
- Read financial consumer magazines and/or Web sites
- Take a financial planning course
- Join an investment club
- Check with other widows about financial mistakes they made
If you have adult children, some experts argue that you shouldn't rely on them for advice unless you're certain they're knowledgeable about finances, have your best interests at heart, and don't want to borrow money from what at first glance might seem like a large nest egg.
Realistically assess what you have
Schwisow, a co-author of the book After He's Gone, says widows often make one of two mistakes initially: thinking they have more money than they do, because the lump-sum payment from a spouse's life insurance or 401(k) seems so large; or assuming they don't have enough.
"Don't use that 401(k) money...you'll need it
for your own retirement."
-- Cindy Hounsell, WISER
The first mistake can be quite costly in the long run. If you are the beneficiary on your spouse's life insurance plan, make sure you understand how much that sum will bring in annually when it's invested, Schwisow says.
And invest the money as soon as you can, she advised. If you're feeling risk-averse, park it in a high-yielding CD for a while until you become more comfortable making investment decisions.
But remember, since life expectancy has increased and women usually face prolonged periods of widowhood, you will need to have at least some exposure to stocks even in your 60s and 70s to fight inflation and taxes, Schwisow said.
As for your husband's 401(k), Hounsell urges widows not to spend the money. "And don't use it for your kids' education, either. You'll need it for your own retirement," she said.
If you are the sole beneficiary on your husband's 401(k) or IRA, then you may roll that money over into your own IRA account, said Evelyn Capassakis, head of the estate and trust group at PricewaterhouseCoopers. Or, in some instances, depending on the plan, you may be able to put your name on the account, transforming it into a "surviving spouse's IRA."
If you and your children are joint beneficiaries, for you to roll the money over tax-free, your children must disclaim their right to the fund. If you choose this option, your kids need to issue their disclaimer within nine months of your husband's death, Capassakis said.
Take life one step at a time
All this may sound fairly logical, but chances are you don't want to be bothered. The stress and grief one faces following a spouse's death are overwhelming, and the last thing you want is to worry about planning for your financial survival for the next 20 to 30 years.
That's why most experts caution widows against making any major financial decisions within a year after their husbands die. You've already been slammed with a life-altering event, so better to gather all your information, take time to plan your next steps, then gradually but steadily make the changes necessary to secure your future.
Or, as Heltzel put it, "Small bites are always the best approach. But we have to keep on chewing." 
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