A Visit from the Man
By Stanley Bing

(FORTUNE Magazine) – 'Twas the hour before party,

and all through the place

Not a creature was getting into our face;

The dip bowls and platters

were stacked up with care

Awaiting the canapés soon to be there.

Our hard-working folks in their offices, snoozing,

Were getting all set for a full night of boozing.

And Bob in his pinstripe and me in my gray,

Were just kicking back for the rest of the day,

When 30 floors down there arose such a fuss,

That we sprang into life as if hit by a bus.

Away to the window I tore, overjoyed,

Like Bonds on a next-generation steroid.

The halogen lights on the pavement below

Reflected the glow of headlamps on snow.

And there I did see, like a Great White in summer,

An enormous fat guy in a gigantic Hummer,

With a waistline so big and so round

and so thick,

I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.

He was tearing through gears as he sliced

down the street,

And he bellowed a message to all he did meet:

"Now, Greenspan! Now, Spitzer!

Now, Sarbanes and Oxley!

On, Stewart! On, Grasso!

On, Dennis Kozlowski!

To the top of the building!

The top of the brink!

Now get me upstairs!

And give me a drink!"

As a stale cigar burns with a different smoke

That closes your eyes and

makes your throat choke,

He rose to our floor in the freight elevator

With a bag full of cool stuff

you want now, not later.

He was dressed all in twill, from his head to his heel

With a sport coat so soft it could make a fine meal.

A fat leather briefcase hung over his back,

And he looked like a salesman opening a sack.

His eyes were intelligent, chuckling and knowing.

His cheeks were suspiciously rosy and glowing.

A big goofy smile encircled his lips,

And sleek Gucci slacks played over his hips.

A steaming Honduran was clenched in his teeth,

And the smoke of it circled his head like a wreath.

You know what? I thought, as I scrutinized him,

This guy really needs a few weeks at the gym.

What I found so cool about the old dude

Was the sweetness and shine of his whole attitude.

He didn't say anything deep or prophetic,

But you knew that it all would be copacetic.

What he did next was a thing of beauty:

The Man just went around doling out booty!

We each got an iPod 60 gigs large,

With a pricetag and hard drive the size of a barge.

Chas and Bo and Larry and Pamela

Received digital telephones equipped with a camera.

I myself was pleased with the key

To a brand-new Chrysler 300C.

Then, taking a swig from a small


He said, "Hey, in five minutes

I'm due in Encino."

Then faster than Junior

he was back in his Hummer

And gone in a rumble and roar--

what a bummer!

But I heard him exclaim as he sped out of town,

"Don't let the bastards get you down!"