The Chairman and the CFO
With apologies to the Walrus and the Carpenter.
By Stanley Bing

(FORTUNE Magazine) – The Fed was shining on the Street,

Smiling on our toil.

With increments of interest points,

They kept us off the boil.

And this was tough, when you assess

The crazy price of oil.


The market was as limp as cheese

Upon a toasted bun.

You couldn't find an upside,

For upside was there none.

No chuckles on CNBC--

All deals had been done.


The Chairman and the CFO

Were lunching on scungilli.

They wept into their iced Bombay

And got all touchy-feely.

"If we could buy more revenue,"

they said, "we'd pop a wheelie."


"If ten investment bankers

Were set loose in our field

Do you suppose," the Chairman said,

"That much would be revealed?"

"I'll call Herb Allen right away!"

The finance pundit squealed.


"O Oysters! Come and walk with us,"

The Chairman did beseech.

"A pleasant walk. A fruitful talk,

At my place in Palm Beach.

We'll keep the circle nice and small

So progress we may reach."


The eldest Oyster looked at him

From 'neath a beetled brow

And checked the web to see

His latest number on the Dow.

"I think," he said, "I'll miss the chance

To be ingested now."


But four young Oysters hurried up

All fresh and bright and cool.

Their coats were sleek, their shoes were shined,

Their chins were slick with drool.

And this was scarcely odd, because

They'd been to business school.


A clutch of Oysters followed them

And then another bunch.

And thick and fast they came at last,

Yelling, "Let's do lunch!"

One and all with a guy on call

And numbers for to crunch.


The Chairman and the CFO

Took them to the club,

Where they talked and drank and

Worked each issue to the nub.

And all the Oysters loved that stuff,

And each was quite a schlub.


"The time has come," the Chairman said,

"To talk of many things:

Of Ford, HP, and Citigroup--

How each conglomerate sings.

And how the future's boiling hot,

And whether pigs have wings."


"But wait a bit!" the Oysters cried,

"Before we do our rumbas.

For some of us need board okay,

And all must run the numbers!"

"No hurry," said the CFO,

And passed them some cucumbers.


"A well-placed leak," the Chairman said,

"Is what we chiefly need:

Good spin from all the analysts

With whom we share our greed.

Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,

We can begin to feed."


"Hold on, my friends!" the Oysters cried,

Turning a little blue.

"We need to have some time, you know,

To think this puppy through."

"Hey, no sweat!" the Chairman said.

"I'll be here with my crew."


"I grieve," he told the CFO,

"To squeeze them in this way

After we've brought them out so far

And put their stock in play."

The CFO said nothing but

"We'll have to cut their pay."


"O Oysters," said the CEO,

"It's been a total blast.

We built a lot of value.

We did it really fast.

Don't be strangers now," he said,

And ate the very last.