NEW YORK (CNN/Money) -
"I am the ghost of consumer past."
Ebenezer Scrooge peeked out from behind his bed curtain. An attractive, thin-framed woman dressed in a glowing white gown stood in the middle of the bedroom.
"You mean Christmas past?" he said.
"Yeah, whatever, it's all about the economy, right?" she said, shrugged, looked down, and flicked off a piece of lint that wasn't glowing enough. "Anyway, I'm the spirit here to remind you about what past shopping seasons have done for you."
"Sure ...," Scrooge stuttered. "And I already really appreciate and treasure the consumer of the past."
"You do?" she responded, arching an eyebrow.
"Of course," he said. "Who else has kept the economy going? Not corporations, that's for sure. In our recent downturn, it's been consumer spending that's kept us from bottoming out. Even with over 2 million jobs lost, consumer sentiment remained mostly on the upside. My loan operation would be junk. Yes ma'am, I'm grateful for the consumer."
The ghost nodded indecisively, then she yawned.
"You look a little tired," Scrooge ventured. "Want to sit down?"
"Nah, gotta go." She faded away.
Suddenly there was a loud banging at the door. "PARTY!!!!" a loud voice boomed. In barged a large bearded man in a long green robe.
"DUDE!," he bellowed at Scrooge. "I'm the ghost of consumer present and we're having a BLAST!" He whooped and danced in the middle of the floor. "Look, I've refi'd for the fifth time, so I've got some spare cash. Let's send out for pizza." He looked around. "You got a cell phone handy? Nah, don't worry about it. My ride's downstairs. A Lincoln Navigator! I had planned for a Focus, but with all the incentives I said to hell with it and stepped up. ... Hey! I got you a present!"
The ghost waved at the corner of the room. A PC station with all the trimmings appeared.
"I was getting one for myself, to help me in my job hunt, and they were so cheap I figured I'd get one for you too!" The ghost took a swig from a bottle of wine in his hand.
"Job hunt?" Scrooge timidly asked.
"Yeah, well, this gig is about over. I think they're transferring it to India. And eventually I'll have to deal with the credit cards. Got another one this morning. A $12,000 limit ... great, huh?"
"You have a lot of debt?" Scrooge asked (professional interest, he told himself). "Some people think that could be a problem."
"Whoa," the ghost wobbled. "Come to think of it, I feel a little woozy." He drifted toward the door. "Maybe I'll take a little rest, stop spending for a while, at least till I get another gig. See ya ..."
The room was still. A shadow on the floor started to grow. Soon it was a dark figure looming over Scrooge.
"You are the Ghost of Consumer Yet to Come."
The ghost shook its head and handed Scrooge a card.
"Oh, you are Christmas Yet to Come," Scrooge said, correcting himself. The ghost shrugged.
"You aren't supposed to be scary this year," Scrooge protested. "People said you were going to be kind of good. Maybe not super good, but kind of good. Better than the measly 2.2 percent sales growth last year."
The ghost shrugged again and pointed to the new PC station and the bottle of wine on the floor. Then it reached under its cloak and pulled out a newspaper. The headlines all talked about war and terrorism.
"Debt, jobs and bad news ... you are really going to be a horror this year, aren't you?"
The ghost shrugged again. And Scrooge screamed.
-- Allen Wastler is Managing Editor of CNN/Money and a commentator on CNNfn.
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