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Personal Finance > Five Tips
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Office romance
5 Tips: Finding love under the company mistletoe
November 3, 2004: 11:00 AM EST
By Gerri Willis, CNN/Money contributing columnist

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - The holidays are just around the corner. That inevitably means that soon enough, your calendar will be clogged with work-related holiday parties. Who knows, maybe you'll find your soul mate at one of these work-related gatherings.

Hey, you never know! Interoffice dating has become more common over the years. A recent survey by Lawyers.com and Glamour magazine, found that 41 percent of Americans aged 25 to 40 have engaged in an office relationship. Three out of four survey respondents said that they believe romance among peers is acceptable.

If you've found love under the company mistletoe, here are 5 tips.

1. Know the rules of romance.

Truth is, the rules of office dating are easing. Once it was considered a fireable offense, but with the workplace dramatically changed -- more and more women are in the workplace and people working long hours -- bosses have become more open to the idea of office workers dating, or at least they are willing to look the other way.

Still, many people don't even know what the rules are in their workplace. If you have no idea, you'll want to discreetly determine whether office romance is a no-no at your company. Consult your company's employee handbook. It's also not a bad idea to look around and get a sense if other co-workers are romantically involved.

2. Consider the unintended consequences.

Plenty of employers don't encourage office romance because if there is a disagreement or the romance fizzles, everyone else in the office as well as clients could be affected.

And that's not the only potential result. If you date someone at work and things go badly, you'll still have to see this person every day. Dr. Joni Johnston, CEO of WorkRelationships.com, says she has seen many instances where a relationship goes bad and one person becomes obsessed with the other. This can make for a very uncomfortable workplace environment.

Consider too, that once co-workers get wind of your relationship (and they inevitably will), you'll become fodder for water cooler talk. If you've spent anytime at all trying to develop a professional reputation, this could damage it.

3. Steer clear of the absolute nos.

Don't date a subordinate and stay away from the boss. Dating your direct reports could easily end up in a sexual harassment suit. In order to avoid this, some companies have asked couples to sign contracts stating that the relationship is consensual.

Dating your boss is similarly packed with potential problems. For example, your fellow office workers may conclude that you're getting special treatment and give you the cold shoulder. If you dump your boss or if he or she dumps you, your job could be at risk.

Office dating makes most sense when it is between people of roughly equal standing in the company and their assignments are in different departments.

4. Use common sense.

If you do find the love of your life down the hall, try to be discreet. Keep the love letters off your e-mail (electronic messages at work at the property of your boss, not you).

Avoid public displays of affection and even if cupid's arrow has pierced your heart, try to keep you mind on your work. The quality of your work will be particularly scrutinized by officemates if they know you're dating someone down the hall.

5. Discuss the issues that might arise.

Let's face it, in the dating world there are more frogs than princes, so the likelihood that your office fling is more than temporary isn't too high. But if it does get serious, you'll want to talk seriously about how you're going to handle the issues that invariably arise.

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How will you handle co-workers' questions? What if you end up competing for the same job? What are the prospects of both of you working for the same company over the long haul? What would happen if you both got laid off? Would it make sense for one of you to move on to another employer? What if it doesn't work out?

If the relationship does have staying power, find an appropriate time and place for telling your supervisor. Remember, it's better that you tell them, than he or she finds out for themselves.


Gerri Willis is a personal finance editor for CNN Business News. Willis also hosts CNNfn's Open House, weekdays from Noon to 12:30 p.m. (ET). E-mail comments to 5tips@cnn.com.  Top of page




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Most stock quote data provided by BATS. Market indices are shown in real time, except for the DJIA, which is delayed by two minutes. All times are ET. Disclaimer. Morningstar: © 2018 Morningstar, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Factset: FactSet Research Systems Inc. 2018. All rights reserved. Chicago Mercantile Association: Certain market data is the property of Chicago Mercantile Exchange Inc. and its licensors. All rights reserved. Dow Jones: The Dow Jones branded indices are proprietary to and are calculated, distributed and marketed by DJI Opco, a subsidiary of S&P Dow Jones Indices LLC and have been licensed for use to S&P Opco, LLC and CNN. Standard & Poor's and S&P are registered trademarks of Standard & Poor's Financial Services LLC and Dow Jones is a registered trademark of Dow Jones Trademark Holdings LLC. All content of the Dow Jones branded indices © S&P Dow Jones Indices LLC 2018 and/or its affiliates.