Readers to the rescue

Is it ethical to check on a spouse's credit card balances? --M., Sioux City, Iowa

Our reader says: The answer depends on how you've agreed to manage your money. If you treat money as "our money," then sure, you're entitled to check. If your spouse has a separate credit card because it was understood that each of you should have "money of your own," then don't do it. It's all about trust. --Carol Cummins, Golden Valley, Minn.

The expert says: If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer is no, says Lauren Bloom, author of "Elegant Ethical Solutions." After all, if your spouse wouldn't object, you could just ask to see those credit card balances; it wouldn't be a delicate issue.

What you're really asking, says Bloom, is if it is okay to spy on your spouse. But except for extreme circumstances -- say, your spouse is a shopaholic who has ruined your family's finances and you need the balances to stage an intervention -- you can't justify secretly "checking" his statements, says Bloom. She recommends directly asking about those credit cards; it's the more ethical approach, and better for your marriage too.

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