Ah, what a dumb year it was! Fortune chose the absolutely dumbest of the dumb that the gods of fate and humor delivered into our laps - and yours - this past year.
That's the good news. The bad news is that 2008 is the Year of the Rat.
|2||Eli Lilly: |
Thank God. We've been so worried since Lucky dyed his hair jet black and started listening to the Smiths.
|3||Leona Helmsley: |
Don't laugh - if she were your master, you'd need a lifetime supply of Prozac too.
|4||Merrill Lynch: |
|5||Stanley O'Neal: |
Payback is a bitch
|6||Chuck Prince: |
Not so flush
|7||High-tech toilets: |
Too bad nobody gave one of these to Chuck Prince
|8||KFC/Taco Bell: |
|9||French newspaper Le Monde: |
|10||Electronic voting machines: |
Election officials in Florida promptly order 5,000 units
|11||Oil spills: |
A touch of under-statement
|12||Procter & Gamble: |
It's a fat world, after all
|14||Naked Sunday: |
But officer, it was the Toy of the Year!
|16||Microsoft's PR firm: |
And the Patricia Dunn Pretexting Award goes to ...
|17||Cocaine energy drink: |
Quite a blow
|18||Royal Society for the Protection of Birds: |
There will always be an England
|19||New Jersey Superior Court: |
What Lindsay Lohan will be driving in '08
|20||O.J. Simpson: |
Oh, that explains it
|21||Cartoon Network: |
Right back atcha ...
|23||Don Imus: |
|24||Chris Albrecht: |
What happens in Vegas...
|25||Adam "Pacman" Jones: |
...doesn't always stay in Vegas
|26||Isiah Thomas: |
Guess she didn't want to play ball
|27||Phil Spector: |
But aren't mullets making a comeback?
|28||Keith Richards: |
I mean, since there wasn't any bloody ice on my bloody sidewalk ...
|29||Swiss newspaper SonntagsZeitung: |
Faux de Cologne
|30||James Cayne: |
Remarkably, he has yet to be weeded out
|31||Bear Stearns analysts: |
We'll say this for Mr. Cayne: He clearly shares his primo stuff with the research department.
Gimme some skin, dawg
|33||Oral B: |
And we just thought our wives were really into oral hygiene
|34||Summit Products: |
G-strings and sweaty bald men sold separately
Who knew "M&Ms" stood for Meatloaf & Mutton?
|36||Best Buy: |
Let the Best Buyer beware
|37||Judge Roy Pearson: |
... thus making our satisfaction complete
Are you a moron? Click here now!
|39||Damien Hirst: |
Oh, for the love of ... wait, you already said it yourself.
Oh, Manny, you're soooooo handy
|41||National Amusements: |
What could be worse than porn for impressionable young minds, you ask?
They had such high hopes
|43||The Toronto Blue Jays: |
Child abuse: It's fan-tastic!
|44||Bank of America: |
Another subprime stunt
|45||Serendipity 3: |
We seriously mistrusted those sprinkles
|46||Johnson & Johnson: |
And if those guys in Rome don't stop using our logo, we'll nail them too
|47||John Mackey: |
He's also honest, humble, and nuttier than an organic fruitcake
|48||The European Union: |
They don't call it the European Union for nothing
|49||German screw factory: |
The red-light district in Amsterdam immediately closed
|50||The Defense Department: |
Makes you wonder what it would cost to ship a million German screws
One, two, three, four, we'll sue you if you send us more
|52||Swiss watchmaker Romain Jerome: |
And those Hindenburg gas grills are fantastic too
|53||Japanese arm-wrestlers: |
Get a grip, Tinkerbell
|54|| Research in Motion: |
This is your brain on e-mail
|55||Frank Gehry: |
Who left R2D2 alone with the AutoCAD and peppermint schnapps?
Which explains why Michael Vick bought himself a Nitro
|57||Endemol Southern Star: |
Cultural sensitivity? We don't need no stinkin' cultural sensitivity.
|58||Taco Bell: |
The cardboard shell and mysterious meatlike substance are intended as a lighthearted tribute to Mexico and its vibrant cultural heritage
Can't wait for the follow-up album, In Debt
|60||John Griffin: |
Can't say he didn't warn you
Hey! That was Howard Stringer's goat!
|62||Nepal Airlines: |
In related news, Sony plans to acquire Nepal Airlines
That beheaded goat on the altar was really uncalled-for
|64||Spain's National Institute of Statistics: |
... thus putting the term "inflation" in a whole new light
|65||Verizon Wireless: |
Another PR department in the fetal position
|66||Rhode Island Hospital: |
It's not as if they're doing brain surgery or anything
In fact, many of our employees go on to be McBrain Surgeons
|68||Thomas the Tank Engine: |
Sir Topham Hatt was very cross indeed
|69||Exelon Nuclear: |
Good job. You're fired.
|70||Circuit City: |
Good job. You're all fired.
|71||TCF Bank: |
Take Cash Freely? Totally Clueless Fiduciary? Two Crime Friday?
|72||Paris Hilton: |
Tort reform: That's hot
|73|| Easy-Bake Ovens: |
Hilton quickly files suit against all 278 kids
Kidding. We kid. That's what friends do, right?
|75||Mummified corpses: |
The real estate market must be dead over there too
|76||Jessica Simpson: |
... and cardboard boxes ... and the color red ... and, come to think of it, Pizza Hut
|77||Jackson Hewitt: |
What, you never heard of a barber who makes house calls?
|78||The Virginia Tourism Corp.: |
Virginia is for bangers
|79||Hugo Chávez: |
Granted, I flunked econ ...
|80||Juan Carlos: |
... but I aced international diplomacy!
|81||365 Main: |
Fate's here to see you, and she brought her wire cutters
|82||One Laptop Per Child: |
On the bright side, they're learning a lot about anatomy
|83||CIBC analyst Meredith Whitney: |
Her husband, on the other hand, is more than a little freaked out by the downstream effects of the subprime crisis on the world's capital markets
|84||Southwest Airlines: |
Fly the not-so friendly skies
|85||Singapore Airlines: |
Fly the don't-get-too-friendly skies
|86||Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin-Talal: |
Fly the I'll-join-the-mile-high-club-if-I-damn-well-please skies
|87||SkyWest Airlines: |
Fly the smells-like-the-back-row-of-a-Greyhound skies
|88||Doug Parker: |
Fly the well-at-least-he-didn't-have-to-use-an-air-sickness-bag skies
|89||British Airways: |
Fly the petty skies
|90||Southwest Airlines, Part 2: |
Fly the didn't-you-learn-anything-from-the-Kyla-Ebbert-fiasco skies
|91||Iberia Airlines: |
Fly the someone-in-the-marketing-department-is-out-of-his-freakin'-mind skies
|92||Jet Blue: |
Fly the nope-we're-still-not-flying skies
|93||British Airways Part 2: |
Fly the oh-gross-oh-gross-oh-gross-get-it-away-from-me skies
|94||World Toilet Association: |
Funny, that's what Larry Craig calls stall No. 2 at the Minneapolis airport
|95||Kitson boutique: |
Hand wash with like colors in dishwater
All the vitriol that's fit to print
What comes up first when you Google "screwup"?
Just pop in your Birth of a Nation DVD, and you're off and running ...
|99||Century 21: |
Her grandfather made a killing in the stock market back in '29
|100||D.R. Horton: |
Apparently he missed the memo from Bev
|101||Maria Bartiromo: |
What, no action figure?