(FORTUNE Magazine) – What do you expect? You do understand that the old social contract between U.S. companies and their employees has expired, don't you? Surely you no longer believe that unconditional loyalty, or even doing a good job, guarantees employment. You've probably even memorized that new mantra: "My career is my responsibility." Yet, if you're like millions of other Americans, you're probably still putting all your career eggs in your employer's basket, hoping that they will be treated gently. And you will probably still react with shock, anger, and dismay when the eggs splatter.

Truth is, it's way past time to embrace the fact that you really are in charge of your career. For example, you should realize that for all practical purposes outplacement is dead. When the outplacement model was introduced 25 years ago, it dealt with specific individual needs. Executives who lost their jobs because their performance was subpar, or their style didn't mesh with the company's, worked on their deficiencies with a counselor and then moved forward with their careers. Their new job was often quite similar to the position they had left, and there was no suggestion that the process might ever be repeated.

Even when outplacement was extended to address the needs of larger groups of people, it was still perceived as a response to a one-time event.

But none of that makes much sense in the current corporate atmosphere, where change has become an accepted fact of life and reengineering is no longer an emergency exercise. The stark fact is that you are ever more likely to be blasted out into the ranks of the unemployed with no safety net, and it could happen over and over again. According to current Department of Labor statistics, today's new college graduates will, on average, have eight to ten jobs and as many as three careers in their lifetimes. The old one-time outplacement system, aimed at guiding people from job to similar job, was clearly not built for this constant career turmoil.

Another vital truth you should understand is that candor about career issues is in short supply at many companies these days. Says Janice Reals-Ellig, senior vice president of human resources at Ambac Inc.: "Why do most employees and their managers dread conducting the year-end performance appraisal? Because being open, direct, and honest about an employee's 'flat side' is seen as confrontational--so it's avoided." John Finnerty, former executive vice president for human resources at NatWest Bank, cites job postings as another example of a lack of candor. "People conclude that job posting is an exercise in office politics, not a real career opportunity," he says. "By the time a job is listed, they assume it's already been assigned to someone's favorite candidate."

This may all sound a bit grim, and it certainly can be. But there are companies out there that have found a better, more humane way to steer through change--and it's up to you to find them. You should look for an employer willing to help you continuously develop and maintain those skills that will make you more valuable. Paternalism may be dead, but at least some shrewd employers understand that their own survival depends on attracting and retaining motivated employees. They offer employees training not just in those skills specific to the job at hand but also in those that can enhance careers over the long haul. AlliedSignal, for example, just opened a center aimed directly at long-term career development.

Enlightened employers start the process by determining the key competencies their business requires. Employees, meanwhile, are asked to assess their own skills--dealing with new technology, say, or working in teams. Once the information is collected and analyzed, management can identify gaps and customize training to fill them. But the process can't stop there. Companies have to recognize that general career training is also a necessity, and you have to insist on learning what you need. If your current employer can't or won't help you polish your overall skills, find one that will. Survival is up to you--not the company.

It wouldn't hurt to find a workplace where trust and truth-telling still exist as well. Look for an employer willing to own up to the fact that change is inevitable. Seek a new kind of relationship with your employer, one that goes well beyond shifting career responsibility from one party to the other. Your ultimate goal ought to be finding a sense of continuity, a fluid environment where employers and employees are constantly working to address their mutual needs and abilities. Get off the treadmill of getting a job, doing a job, losing a job--all the while trying to shake off the shock and the pain.

WILLIAM J. MORIN, chairman of WJM Associates Inc. in New York City, is a veteran career manager and executive coach.