(MONEY Magazine) – Just before last Christmas, Boston architect David Lee, 42, was about to turn on Monday Night Football when he received a phone call he will never forget: his mother, 67, had died suddenly of a ruptured kidney artery aneurysm 1,000 miles away in Chicago. Lee, an only child and his divorced mother's principal heir, flew immediately to Chicago to handle his mother's funeral arrangements and the disposition of her estate. Her niece, who was named executor, agreed willingly to let Lee handle the details. In addition, Lee had to keep up the mortgage, utility and insurance payments on his mother's eight-room house and pay for the funeral and other expenses -- an out-of-pocket cost of about $8,000 so far. During the ordeal, he ended up losing three weeks' work, and he is still on the case, seeking ways to reduce estate taxes and waiting for the house -- the estate's principal asset -- to be sold so he can be reimbursed for his expenses. Most frustrating of all, these complications arose even though Lee's mother had had the foresight to make out a will. In the best of all worlds, we would know exactly what to do when someone close dies. Our loved one would have informed us where to find instructions setting forth funeral arrangements, the location of the will and any life insurance policies, a list of all property and assets, and the name of the deceased's lawyer. Any minors would be provided for in the will. No one would challenge the authority of the executor -- the person named by the deceased to make sure the terms of the will are met. Probating an estate, an often grueling court process, would be completed smoothly and quickly. In the real world, such a well-ordered process almost never occurs. To begin with, at least two-thirds of Americans die intestate -- that is, without a will. Even when there is a will, as the above case illustrates, survivors still face months of draining work. Yet there are ways of lightening the load, as the following step-by-step guide shows. THE FIRST HOURS In the case of an unexpected death, the body is usually sent to a hospital, where the attending physician or a staff doctor signs the death certificate. Usually, autopsies are performed only when the death is violent or the exact cause of death is unknown. The body is then sent to a crematorium or funeral parlor at the behest of the next of kin. The closest survivor or executor, if there is a will, should buy three or four copies of the death certificate, which cost generally no more than $5 apiece. They are needed for such purposes as filing a life insurance claim, transferring securities and bank accounts and claiming survivor's benefits. The more assets involved in the estate, the more copies you will need. Funeral directors usually obtain them for you from the appropriate state or city agency. THE FUNERAL The key documents at this point are the will and any life insurance policies. The will sometimes specifies the desired type of service, and the executor named in the will is responsible legally for the arrangements. Life insurance usually covers the cost of the ceremonies. Most insurance companies pay benefits within 10 business days of receiving a claim and a death certificate. Even if the claim is made by a beneficiary who is a live-in lover and there is no will, insurance companies tend to hand over benefits quickly. The absence of a will can cause emotional as well as financial pain. The surviving half of an unmarried couple, for instance, may wish one type of funeral, while the parents of the dead person have different plans. Most such disagreements are resolved quickly, simply because all concerned want the ceremonies over as soon as possible. But when tempers flare, the parents or next closest blood relatives have all the rights; the companion would have to seek a court order allowing him or her to decide funeral arrangements. With no will, in fact, an unmarried cohabiting survivor has few legal rights, from the funeral to the disposition of the deceased's property, unless he or she lives in one of the 13 states* that recognize common-law marriages. Even then, the surviving partner may have to go to court to prove the validity of the relationship. Even when there is a blood connection, the failure to leave specific instructions for the disposal of the body can lead to problems. California probate lawyer Robert Frost remembers two adult children who wrangled over the disposition of their widowed mother's body. ''One wanted her remains cremated and scattered at sea; the other wanted a traditional burial,'' he says. It took them more than a week to resolve it through mediation; the child in favor of cremation, exhausted by the battle, finally gave in. During the fight, which could have gone to court, the corpse was kept in storage. Burial is still standard. Only 15% of Americans choose cremation, a procedure that can run as little as $95. Even with a ceremony, cremations cost perhaps a third of the $2,500 to $2,800 it now takes to pay for the average funeral. This figure does not include the plot and gravestone, which may add $5,000 or so to the total. (Under federal law, funeral homes must provide itemized price lists. This makes comparison shopping easier if you are so inclined.) While these expenses need not be paid immediately, funeral directors ask the principal survivor to assure in writing the costs of burial, pledging future income from the estate to cover the bill. So if you are asked to guarantee the burial costs, you can be reimbursed when the estate is probated. Of the claims made against the estate in probate, the funeral parlor's are high on the list, behind mortgage payments and estate taxes but ahead of credit-card debts. FINDING KEY DOCUMENTS Where do you search for a will or a life insurance policy you suspect exists? Start with the dead person's checkbook. Are there any checks made out to lawyers? To insurance companies? Then look at the deceased's address book. Next, talk to close friends who might know the person's attorney or insurance agent. Check with local banks to see whether there is a safe-deposit box. Most banks require a letter from a probate court giving you permission to examine the contents of a box. If you draw a blank at the banks, you can write to the American Safe Deposit Association (330 W. Main St., Greenwood, Ind. 46142), which will see whether any of its 4,000 members have a box listed in the deceased's name. The cost is $75, plus $5 for any alias you think may have been used. For life insurance, query the employer first, since nearly half of such benefits are paid under group plans. If you suspect there was an individual policy, you can write to the American Council of Life Insurance (1850 K St. N.W., Washington, D.C. 20006), which tracks down, at no charge, policies written by one of the trade association's members. If the deceased was a veteran, you should check for government life insurance. Write to the National Personnel Records Center (Military Personnel Records) at 9700 Page Blvd., St. Louis, Mo. 63132 and then to your local Veterans Administration office if you need further help. For a modest fee, wills may be filed in local probate courts for safekeeping. As a final step, you may be forced to advertise in a local newspaper or a publication of the local bar association to inquire about the existence of the will. If you have no success after a month or two of such detective work, you probably will have to assume that the person died intestate. WHEN THERE IS NO WILL In such an instance, the presumed heir -- often a surviving spouse -- should go to probate court and ask to be named administrator of the estate. Unmarried cohabitants have virtually no chance of being named administrator. Probate courts parcel out the assets of a dead person without a will according to strict statutes of distribution. Though these laws vary, in most states spouses, children, parents and siblings are the immediate beneficiaries, though the division of the assets among them differs frequently. An unmarried cohabitant can make a claim to the estate by proving intentional wrongdoing on the part of the parents, for example, to deny his inheritance. A California man who lived with a woman for about 10 years and nursed her through five years of terminal cancer helped buy the house where they lived. But upon her death, their principal asset, the house, went to the woman's parents. Without his knowledge, she had set up a trust for just that purpose a year before her death. When the man was evicted, he discovered that without proof of his help in buying the property (his contribution had been in cash), his case would be virtually impossible to make in court. FACING PROBATE Even though Norman F. Dacey's book How to Avoid Probate! (Crown Publishers, $19.95) has sold 1.5 million copies since its first release in 1966, most estates still go through the probate mill. Under all state laws, assets that are not removed from an estate through joint ownership or trusts must undergo probate, which is also required if minors are left with no guardian. Dacey's book promotes the living trust, which is not subject to probate because under law the deceased gave up ownership of the property in the trust the moment he signed the document. In the more typical testamentary trust, property passes through probate. Living trusts may cost $1,500 or more compared with, say, $100 for a simple will. But by sidestepping probate they can prevent erosion of as much as a third of the value of an estate through lawyer's fees and taxes. (Only estates worth more than $500,000 are subject to federal estate taxes.) Probate begins when the will's executor or other interested person makes a formal application to the court. When there is no will, the next of kin usually petitions to be named administrator. If no candidate comes forward, the probate court appoints an administrator. Once the court grants this request and the executor or administrator has made an inventory of all the deceased's assets, the executor or administrator (or personal representative, a catchall term that has been gathering popularity in some states) may begin to manage the estate actively. This may include trading the dead person's portfolio of stocks or perhaps even selling real property. Such transactions generally must be approved by the probate court. Meanwhile, the court (sometimes called surrogate or chancery court) sets about identifying and paying heirs and creditors and determining state inheritance taxes. You should expect all this to take at least six months or substantially longer if the estate is complicated or the courts are busy. PRESERVING PROPERTY If the deceased lived alone and you are the executor or administrator of the estate, you may have to close up the house or apartment. You also will have to notify the post office of the death and provide a forwarding address for mail. You should continue paying mortgage, property and liability insurance, plus utility bills, out of the estate. Also check to see whether there is credit life insurance on the house, which would at least pay off the mortgage. If you are co-owner of the house under a deed of joint ownership or tenancy in common, you should pay these costs because the property you are protecting is your own. If you are the executor or simply the closest relative or friend available, you may expect to inherit the property or to be reimbursed for the expense when the estate is probated. You should also lock up the dead person's car and allow no one to drive it. If somebody has an accident while driving the car, resulting in damages greater than the deceased's liability coverage, there can be claims against the estate's assets. That could deprive heirs of some -- or even all -- of their inheritance. Many states, however, provide simple mechanisms for transferring an automobile to a survivor's name. PAYING DEBTS, RECEIVING CHECKS One of the biggest mistakes survivors make is paying bills other than those associated with the dead person's real property. Even if you have been named executor, ''you are under no legal obligation to pay any bills of the deceased out of your own pocket unless the debts are also in your name,'' says Theodore E. Hughes, assistant attorney general of Michigan and co-author of A Family Guide to Estate Planning, Funeral Arrangements and Settling an Estate After Death (Macmillan, $16.95). If you are named executor, and there is cash available from a life insurance policy or joint checking account, for example, the estate can pay whatever credit-card, finance or bank loans are outstanding. Otherwise, interest on these bills will continue to accumulate, as will dunning letters from the creditors. In some community property states (there are eight: Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas and Washington), a surviving spouse may be liable for all the bills that have accumulated during the marriage. In other jurisdictions, however, the decision is up to the executor as to whether such bills should be paid immediately or await formal probate. Then creditors' claims are settled, or the court decides that there are no probatable assets and the debts are deemed uncollectible. The executor should notify known creditors by letter of a person's death when the will is entered into probate. He should also place a notice in a newspaper published in the county where the deceased lived. This covers legal obligations toward unknown creditors. Usually, they have 30 to 120 days after that time to press their claims. If the executor fails to run a public notice, a creditor could later file a civil suit to reopen the estate and seek compensation. If a check is written on the assumption that the decedent is still living, as with salaries, pensions or Social Security, the next of kin or executor should notify the issuer and await further instructions. If checks are income from property, such as dividends, interest, rent or royalties, they become property of the estate and should be deposited in a checking account that is specifically titled ''The Estate of . . .'' It is the executor's responsibility to open such an account. PROFESSIONAL HELP + If there is a will, the executor is responsible for hiring a lawyer to carry out its terms according to the law. It is up to the executor to decide whether to use the same lawyer who drew up the will, unless a specific lawyer is designated in the will. In 22 states, small estates with assets of no more than $60,000 can be settled under simplified probate procedures. The responsibilities of the lawyer may vary. He or she may make sure property is sold, arrange for the transfer of securities to the heirs (often a complicated procedure) or take care of any other matters that the executor may not wish to do. In all cases, the lawyer is responsible to the executor and may be dismissed by the executor if the terms of the will are not being carried out satisfactorily. If you are named executor for someone who lived in a different state, finding a lawyer may be a problem. As the executor, you should first ask the lawyer who drew up the will for assistance. If that is not possible, ask a lawyer near where you live to recommend an estate lawyer in the other locality. Finally, you can ask state or local bar associations for members who are probate lawyers. Traditionally, the executor is paid an hourly rate or a share of the estate -- from 2% to 5% -- for administering it. In most jurisdictions, however, executors' fees must be approved by the probate court. Unsurprisingly, legal battles erupt as soon as the executor or administrator is named. When heirs contest the provisions of a will, they frequently seek to prove that the decedent was not of sound mind when the will was made, or they try to look for legal technicalities that may invalidate the document. ''Greed is what usually makes people contest wills or executors,'' says Michigan assistant attorney general Hughes. ''Money may not be everything, but it certainly keeps the children in touch.''

FOOTNOTE: *States that recognize common-law marriages are Alabama, Colorado, Georgia, Idaho, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina and Texas as well as the District of Columbia.