(MONEY Magazine) – Few who lived through a Crazy Eddie commercial could forget the message, shrieked at TV audiences by a half-crazed-looking pitchman for the now defunct New York-area discounter: ''Our prices are insane!'' Fewer still suspected that Eddie was a prophet in his own time. Today, only 18 months after Eddie's screams were stilled by liquidation, every retailer from Bangor to Burbank seems certifiably mad. Once haughty, high-priced department stores like Lord & Taylor, Bullock's and Neiman Marcus are down in the dirt with the discounters, shredding price tags and luring shoppers with the promise of fabulous bargains. Marvin Rothenberg, a Fair Lawn, N.J. retail consultant, estimates that 75% of all department store items are being sold at discount prices, compared with 40% a decade ago. So crazily competitive is the market that stately firms like debt-ridden Bloomingdale's and Jordan Marsh are in Chapter 11, and others like B. Altman have disappeared altogether. As recession and consumer uncertainty make selling even harder, there is no sign that the sale epidemic will do anything but spread. Retailers' pain doesn't automatically mean shoppers' gain either. That's because much of the department store price-cutting is as deceptive as a cat's grin. Says New York City retail consultant Alan Millstein: ''They're manipulating prices madly.'' Nationwide, names like Sears, J.C. Penney and the May Department Stores have been charged with price manipulation. The department stores' basic scam is to elevate the ''original price'' to an unreal level, then announce what appears to be a dramatically deep discount. Variations abound, but the heart of darkness is unquestionably private-label goods, which department stores order directly from manufacturers, affixing a proprietary label and the highest markups in the store. Robert Kahn, editor of the newsletter Retailing Today, observes that during the past four years or so, department stores have been moving more heavily into private label, which accounts for as much as 40% of women's, men's and kids' apparel, up from 30% in the early 1980s. Add markups running as high as 80%, and there is endless opportunity to play price games. Just how wide a berth the stores have to mislead you and how shoppers can counter the disinformation are revealed in the accompanying table. It guides you through all of the major department store lines plus electronics and appliances, which are now sold primarily by discounters. Most retailers stonewalled our efforts to elicit this information from them. (''You're talking about educating the consumer about markdowns,'' said Julian Taub, a Bloomingdale's senior vice president. ''For us, that would be self-defeating.'') So we turned to retailing analysts, marketing consultants and industry groups like the National Retail Federation. Here, reading from the left, is how to use the table: Typical markup is the difference between the price the store pays for an item and what it sells it for. The lower the initial markup, the less the chance of pricing shenanigans. Conversely, because private-label goods and imports carry the highest markups, they are able to sustain the largest number of price cuts and thereby blow the most smoke in shoppers' eyes. So don't be impressed by a 30%-off tag on a private-label item. Tomorrow it could be 50% off -- and still not amount to a bargain. Percent of goods sold at a markdown refers to the proportion of all goods sold by department stores in 1990 at a discount. The more markdowns, the more the chance for deception. Retail experts estimate more than 60% of private- label men's and women's apparel is sold at reduced prices, compared with 25% of branded apparel. Promotional sales are the short-term price reductions, typically of 20% to 30% or so. At least one item, for example, is on promotional sale in a typical store's home furnishings department every week of the year. If you see a promotional sale advertised -- they usually bear such labels as three days only or special event -- it may be worth your while to check it out. Usually the merchandise will rise in price again within days. Clearance sales generally last until the goods are gone -- from 10 to 12 weeks. The discounts tend to be higher than those for promotional sales -- more on the order of 30% to 50% or more. Two reasons: the goods are often odd sizes and unpopular styles (apparel and shoes fall heavily into this class), and the store needs to move them in order to make way for new merchandise. Misleading sales are the new kid on the selling floor: giveaways that last too long (like four weeks) or occur too frequently (like twice a month) to be real and often appear at a time when many other goods in that category are fully priced. A telling clue: private-label apparel discounted early in the season probably was never intended to be sold at a nonsale price. Grade, based on interviews with retailing experts, gives you a shorthand tip on how wary you should be when shopping each category of goods. It is no coincidence that private label dominates the D, or danger, grade. Look for or avoid flags some of the details that point to value -- or away from it. Cosmetics, with the most unmolested prices and moderate markups in the entire department store, has little to avoid.

Comments culls the most useful shopping tips we could find on each category of merchandise listed. One rule to remember: if you are unconvinced that an item is a bargain, you should figure that it's overpriced. It probably is.

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