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Stanley Bing
Just a few ways to be profitably and pleasantly (if uselessly) employed, from Stanley Bing's book, "100 Bulls**t Jobs and How to Get Them" (Harper Collins).
Handwriting analyst
Profile human behavior. Interpret meaningless chicken scratches without laughing.

$$: A good handwriting analyst can make $100 per hour at a cocktail party; big ones who are asked to authenticate major documents are very well paid, particularly since they rarely are capable of being definitive and mostly offer a raft of bulls**t rationalizations and excuses for not being more certain of anything.

The upside: Great glow of science about a whole bunch of mumbo jumbo. Get to hang with other graphologists, who are really fun at parties.

The downside: Clients get very annoyed when they rely on you to authenticate things and all you can give them is a raft of halting excuses and mumbling horses**t.

The dark side: Sudden conviction that life is meaningless and the truth is essentially unknowable.

Where you go from here: Water dowser.
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